4 Crazy Easy Ways to Help Your Teen in Times of Loneliness and Isolation
For most of us adults, the notion of sadness, loneliness, or even isolation can be synonymous with the life of a teenager. After all, teens are moody, often prone to exaggerate their minor issues into life-ending dramas, and "so tired" all the time.
I remember distinctly sitting in my bedroom in 8th grade blasting Sinéad O'Connor's version of "Nothing Compares to You" after my "true love" dumped me. My world was falling apart already, and I was only thirteen. Or so I thought. While my mom graciously suffered through the song piercing through the drywall on endless repeat, I sat in utter shame, isolation, and loneliness. Looking back, I laugh at myself and my horribly nearsighted view of the world around me. Because in those days, that was the pinnacle of my problems.
Times are changing. The rate at which our students are suffering is rising faster than inflation.
There are real issues and concerns our students deal with regularly. The pressures of academics, social dynamics, and the demands of the digital world. All of which can take a toll on their mental well-being.
But not to worry, the sky isn't falling. As caring adults, we can be crucial in supporting teens during difficult times. There is no need to panic, throw up the white flag, or do nothing and hope for the best. In fact, what I have found in twenty years of working with students and now parenting my own hoard of teenagers is this: Keep it as stupid simple as possible. Sometimes, the most complex issues require simple solutions.
Here is what I mean. 4 things. Let's call them the lowest possible hanging fruit you can do as a parent to keep your kids connected to you and the rest of the family.
1. Validate Their Feelings
As a GenX parent, my first impulse is to tell my kids to "quit that crying," "rub some dirt in it," “no blood, no foul," and anything that encourages Rocky-like toughness. But while being tough might be great for contact sports, it's not always helpful when our kids suffer in despair. Instead, it's essential to listen and empathize with teens. Let them know that it's normal to feel lonely sometimes. It's OK to feel sad, to be angry, and the emotions they are experiencing are valid. Common reasons for loneliness include:
Moving to a new neighborhood
Changing schools
Family changes (such as divorce or siblings moving out)
Social dynamics (feeling left out or bullied)
Seeing social media posts** about events they weren't invited to
It's not about telling our kids to get over their feelings; it's about helping them move through them. It's also not about trying to solve their problems so you can all return to normal as soon as possible. Sometimes, they just need to sit and struggle for a while. Sit with them.
2. Identify What's Missing
Teens and their experience with loneliness is not a black-and-white issue. There are a lot of gray areas. For example, one of my daughters loves time in her room alone. She will write, draw, or listen to music. She cherishes that time. In fact, she would tell you that she feels more alone around a lot of people than by herself.
Conversely, her younger sister is the polar opposite. The more people, the better. The worst punishment we can give her is sending her to her room to be alone.
All that to say, how you help largely depends on what makes them feel alone and isolated. Teens may feel lonely for different reasons. So, we have to help them identify what's missing by removing any preconceived notions we may have.
- Are they missing time with close friends? Would they rather be with a few people rather than a large group?
- Are they missing cherished time alone to recharge and rest?
- Did something significant change in their relational dynamics at school or home?
Knowing what's lacking can guide them toward building stronger connections.
3. Family Time
The more families I talk to, the more I see a particular trend. Less and less focused and intentional family time. I see siblings who hate each other and families who rarely eat or play together. It's almost like families are total strangers living under the same roof.
Define one family thing as the non-negotiable priority for your family.
- game night
- dinner
- family outing
- movie night
Craving out this kind of time regularly will keep your family connected, build trust, and help your teen navigate some of those difficult times with a little more ease.
4. Laughter Therapy
Some of my favorite memories growing up were the times spent laughing together. It was pretty standard for us to find ourselves laughing so hard that we would be crying and unable to breathe multiple times throughout the day. Laughter truly is the best medicine. Especially when we don't take ourselves too seriously and can laugh at ourselves. Just think about what makes a comedian so funny. What they say is often true.
So be sure to add some funny to your everyday rhythm.
- Watch something funny: Put on their favorite comedy show or movie.
- Share laughter. Invite friends over for a movie night or a gaming session.
These all may seem overly simple. But you would be surprised at how effective they are. In their own unique way, each creates a sense of community and belonging, eliminating that overwhelming feeling of loneliness. As adults, let's be compassionate listeners, encourage connections, and provide a safe space for teens to express their emotions. Together, we can help our teens navigate these challenging feelings and build resilience. Remember, no one should face loneliness alone.
