Five Factors Every Parent Should Know That Impact Kids’ Mental Health
We all want to be the best parent. My wife and I will even try to get our kids to tell us who their favorite is. Spoiler—they never do. But we do like to challenge each other to be better parents and to hold each other accountable. Recently, we were both challenged with a few things that we thought were just fine, but it turns out that perhaps some of our parenting practices were actually having a negative impact rather than a positive one.
Screens Offer An Unhealthy Escape.
I don’t know about you, but I am guilty of this all the time. You’re in a somewhat uncomfortable position. Perhaps you are among a group of people you don’t know, awkwardly standing in a line or actively trying to avoid an uncomfortable social circumstance. What do you do? You reach for your phone and start scrolling. That’s because social media, games, texting, or watching videos provide an immediate escape from boredom, loneliness, and sadness.
Since January 2022, RemedyLIVE’s Get Schooled Tour - Escape has polled more than 4,000 students on this topic. The overwhelming number one escape students look to is their smartphone. In fact, those same students spend, on average, 9.54 hours per day on their phones. Yes, you read that right. Imagine spending your entire workday scrolling on your phone.
We are raising an entire generation of kids actively avoiding pain and discomfort. And we are witnessing, first hand, the consequences. They now lack the mental strength to deal with emotional pain and handle everyday challenges.
Click Here to Learn More Ways to Forget Your Phone
The Misleading Pursuit of Happiness
I have written this in previous blogs, so I’ll be brief here. But please Click Here to dive a bit deeper into this topic. But here is the gist.
Many (maybe most) believe it is their job, as a parent, to ensure their children’s happiness—sometimes at all costs. I know a mom who never tells her children no. Consequently, every trip to the store means a new toy, new outfit, or new game. But what strikes me the most about that particular family dynamic is the mom is proud of her parenting.
What she does not realize is that what seems loving and kind now will do far more harm than good down the road for her children. What happens if a prospective employer says no, or a future spouse or friend makes them unhappy? They will not know how to properly feel sad, frustrated, disappointed, or angry.
Unrealistic Expectations and Praise From Parents
As a young parent, I was given valuable advice. “Be careful what you put on the fridge.” I am a proud dad of four, and I can’t imagine a life that doesn’t involve being their biggest cheerleader. I would literally stand in front of a freight train if that meant their success. But honestly, are they the best at everything? Not even close. Each of my kids is uniquely gifted, which means there are some things they are just plain terrible at. And that’s ok.
Yes, we should affirm our kids. Encourage them and cheer them on. But not at the expense of reality. Parents should be honest. Maybe your kid is the smartest in the class. Maybe their not. Trying to build their self-esteem by affirming what isn’t true has the opposite effect. False praise pressures our kids to perform and live up to impossible standards. And in the end, has a drastic impact on their mental health.
The Pressure to Succeed
I didn’t know what a resume was until I was a senior in high school and needed to craft one for an internship I was trying to land. Today, resumes are discussed with kids in middle school—sometimes younger. Building a resume is the name of the game. It gets you into the best colleges, lands the best careers, and gives you an advantage over your peers. The longer I was a teacher, the more I saw this among parents. Private sports coaches, SAT prep, and activities nearly every night of the week. All intended to pad the resumes and impress the best schools.
But there is one thing our kids aren’t doing. For many, they are not being kids. We have inundated them with a to-do list a mile long and the immense pressure to accomplish it all under the threat that their future is in jeopardy if they don't. But the only thing in jeopardy is their mental health.
Click Here to Learn More About Adolescent Mental Health
Academics or Emotions
This one is sort of an extension or result from the previous. What happens when you focus so much of your attention on academic success? Our academic preparation for life outweighs our emotional preparation. There is little doubt that our high school graduates can handle the academic rigors of college life. But can they manage the emotional and relational stress that comes with it? The short answer is no.
Year after year, we send students off to college ill-prepared to deal with issues of time management, stress, coping skills, and even the everyday annoyances that come with living on your own. Without mastering these vital skills, our students are increasing their chances of increased anxiety levels and decreased resilience to everyday hassles.
We’ve spent all our time and energy building their minds through academics while ignoring the muscles necessary for social, emotional, and relational strength.
Click Here to Learn More About the Stress of Student Academics
