Yes, There Are Good Reasons To Worry. Here’s How To Worry Well
In the late 1980’s, a little catchy song seemed to dominate the radio airwaves. Bobby McFerrin’s “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” tune served as a fun treat every time it played in your car, but also perhaps gave us a slight bit of brainwashing.
The song is suggestive of a wider thought most of us seem to live with daily. Worry is bad. Anxiety is even worse. The key to a happy life is to cast worry aside and live carefree. However, worry is more complicated than Bobby would lead us to believe. Worry is multifaceted, layered, and sometimes even nuanced. Worry isn’t something you can just turn off, ignore, and go about your day with a “fake it till you make it” attitude.
Worry is not going away.
There is certainly no shortage of worry in our lives. And honestly, it seems like the level of worry and reasons to worry are growing year in and year out. We worried ourselves through a global pandemic. We worry about the world our kids are growing up in. We worry about our world's political, economic, and social climate. These days, I can’t drive to work without worrying about how high the gas prices are today.
Worry is not going away. Nor should it.
What Bobby didn’t tell you is that worry can be good. It can be useful. And it can actually produce an even greater sense of happiness in life. That’s because worry is a welcomed emotional warning signal in your brain. In fact, you need to worry. So, the goal isn’t to eliminate it but to understand it and know how to navigate the worry and make it work for you.
There are actually two kinds of worry in our lives.
Communication pathologist, audiologist, clinical and cognitive neuroscientist Dr. Caroline Leaf lays out two distinct types of worry and how to manage anxious thoughts that come with the worry.
Constructive worry is actually good for you. I know that might be hard to believe for some of you. You may have been conditioned to believe that worry is an emotional state that ought to be avoided. But, consider some of the kinds of worry that prove to be helpful. You had a big presentation at work or an interview. Perhaps you had a big financial decision to make. Maybe you needed to have a hard conversation with a loved one. These are all legitimate causes for worry.
Now, think about your response to such worry—motivation, harder work, focus, and determination. Allowing our brains to constructively worry can help us rise to the challenge and move forward. And it’s incredibly healthy for our brains.
When worry goes wrong.
On the other hand, deconstructive worry creates a state of chronic stress in your body, and it blocks your ability to manage the situation. This is what can happen when you allow yourself to worry about things that are outside of your immediate control. Deconstructive worry is more concerned about your boss's reaction to your presentation, paralyzing you into doing nothing. Deconstructive worry feeds you the false narrative that you’re not qualified for the job and, because of that, you will bomb the interview.
The difference between these two is a matter of awareness. It’s hard work and requires frequent, focused attention on your thoughts. But the more you know what you are thinking and how that worry affects you, the more you will develop the ability to turn everyday constructive worry into solution-focused, actionable plans and tune out the paralyzing effect of deconstructive worry.
What you think about most grows.
There is no on-off switch that you can flip to suddenly become more aware. But it starts with developing a higher level of awareness—guiding how you think. And what you think about most grows. Deconstructive worry creates more stress than your body and mind need. When you focus on worrying about things out of your control, which will likely never happen, you can find yourself trapped in a repeating loop. It's not only bad for your brain. It's also bad for the rest of your body. Constructive worry, on the other hand, when you allow it to move you forward, can create a sense of peace and well-being.
While it’s certainly not as catchy, Bobby McFerrin should have written, “Don’t deconstructively worry so that you can be happy.”
