How To Find Healing and the Life You Hope for By Finding Vulnerability
Have you ever experienced a moment of complete vulnerability? I was thinking about this the other day, and all I could come up with were stories of my childhood and moments of vulnerability from my kids.
Something about being an adult has robbed me of that privilege.
Madeleine L’Engle once wrote, “When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.”
Even as adults, we need a safe place that provides healing, a place without judgment, a place where you can be your authentic self as you seek to become the better version of yourself—the person that Jesus has created you to be.
Sounds great, right? But it’s harder to come by than you might expect.
When my teenage daughter was just five years old, our family did what every family does when the fall leaves change, the weather is cool, and you have new and fun fall outfits to show off. You get family pictures taken.
The day was perfect in every way. The kids were adorable. They were even looking forward to the day. Because that never happens. That was until the bugs. We were standing near a small creek, and with the combination of the damp ground and the dry air, little tiny gnats were flying all around us.
My daughter was utterly terrified. The day went from perfect to disaster in a matter of seconds. She wouldn’t smile or cooperate with our photographer. She just rested in my arms with her head buried in my shoulder. However, thanks to our amazing photographer, we managed to get a brief picture of her face at that moment.
Terrified, yet safe because she took refuge in my arms. She didn’t understand the bugs, didn’t care that they were harmless—she just wanted to feel safe. That place was in my arms.
She may have been terrified, but she was completely vulnerable.
This is what I love most about young kids. They live in complete transparency. When they are scared, upset, excited, angry, you name it—they let you know it—any time or place. Yet somewhere, as we grow up, we lose it. We start to feel judged by others. We begin to hide ourselves and the pain we experience. We believe that we are supposed to handle it on our own. Tell no one. Just handle it.
We lose the ability to be vulnerable. And therefore, we lose some of what it means to heal.
The result? We feel alone, misunderstood, confused, trapped, and isolated. We lead ourselves to believe that we are the only ones. Everyone else is normal. I’m not. So we live in shame and compounding sin until it rules over us, and we can’t see a way out. The struggles become more real than we ever imagined they could, and hope seems too far away to see.
But what if we lived like our five-year-old selves? What if we became that transparent again? What would happen if you embraced vulnerability?
Vulnerability leads to transparent confession.
The problem with our struggles is that they impact more than just our overall happiness. Your struggles can trap us into a cycle of sin and shame that can be near impossible to break. But when we confess our struggles out loud to another person, our minds hear that confession from our mouths.
I think sometimes we believe that confession of our struggles and sins is so that God will hear us. We imagine God surprised and joyful at our admission of guilt—like he didn’t know already. Uh, he did. He knew before you did, so there’s that. Confession isn’t for God; it’s for us.
It’s by design.
It’s not that God withholds forgiveness and healing from us until we confess. That’s conditional and not how he works. But the one who intricately designed our minds knows that the first step toward healing and repentance is admitting our struggle through outward confession.
It sounds so simple. But it has an incredible impact. Hearing our own confession permits us to take the first step toward healing. Because the only person that can change your mind about your life is you. Vulnerability helps our mind hear our own words to experience the power of confession.
Vulnerability is contagious
Everyone of us has a story. And every one of our stories has the power to impact and change lives. When you become vulnerable, it not only helps you change your mind, but you can also compel someone else to be just as vulnerable.
It sends a very clear message to others that we are not only in the struggle. Forming a community, even around a struggle, helps remove isolation.
Tell your story. Share the struggle. I promise you are not alone. Find someone you trust, find vulnerability, and find the path to the healing you’re looking for.
