Forgiveness in all situations, all pain, all circumstances are indeed the best way forward. But can you be expected to just magically forget the pain another person has caused you? Perhaps you could, but it's not likely. Your brain will grab hold of that memory and give it the power to interpret future interactions and relationships. For example, suppose another person hurts you by continually lying to you. In that case, you could find it difficult to fully trust or believe anyone.

I was taught at a very young age--and perhaps you were too--forgive and forget. I was taught the ultimate relationship builder was to accept forgiveness from others who have wronged you in some fashion and be quick to offer forgiveness to others. No matter the situation, the pain, and the severity of the problem, forgiveness is always the best way forward. And once you forgave the person, the advice or instruction was to forget it ever happened. It's in the past. Erase it for good. There's only one problem, our brains really don't work like that.

Forgiveness is a powerful tool in how you build and maintain relationships. And yes, you should be quick to forgive. Not only does it wield incredible power in your own mind, but also the mind of the person you are forgiving. However, this doesn't mean you need to forget; it means you may need to create necessary boundaries.

Forgiving without setting boundaries could result in you getting hurt over and over again. For instance, suppose a close friend you put your trust in breaks that trust, causing significant emotional pain. Since you are taught to forgive and forget, you rightly let them know you forgive them and quickly move on, forgetting the whole thing ever happened. Until they do it again, and again, and again. The constant hurt not only destroys the relationship but also creates significant and severe emotional damage in you.

Creating the necessary boundaries gives you the space to properly forgive the person and not open yourself up to continual hurt and heartache. So the scenario above would quickly take a much different turn. Instead of continually finding yourself on the receiving end of emotional pain, you stop the destructive pattern by changing the nature of the relationship. Perhaps you are still friends, but you no longer trust them with sensitive information--you pick and choose very carefully the kinds of conversations you have and the things you share with them.

Here is what to remember:

Our ability to be forgiven and forgive others is vital to the life of all our relationships.
Forgiving and trying to forget puts us at risk of living without proper relational boundaries and therefore sets us up to be continually hurt by people over and over.
Setting the proper boundaries along with forgiveness paves the way toward healing and restoration.

Sometimes the pain others bring into our lives is nearly impossible to ignore. Sometimes it never really goes away. Sometimes that pain stays with us and impacts our lives for years to come. Offering and accepting forgiveness paves the way to healing, and setting the appropriate boundaries helps us stay on the road so that we can heal.