The Covid-19 Guilt
Can we talk about guilt for a second? Because holy smokes, have I been feeling a lot of it lately. Due to the always changing COVID-19 outbreak my thoughts seem to be a constant spiral of guilt stricken questions. Do I REALLY need to go to the grocery store? Is it safe to cook for a friend? Am I doing too much? Am I not doing enough? Should I be creating more? Cleaning more? Is it safe to order carry out? Should I be ordering MORE carry out? We are living in uncharted territory where there is no right way to quarantine.
Yesterday I finally made the decision to bake. It’s a favorite hobby of mine but one that I've neglected since all of this started. I felt *guilty* using precious groceries for something so frivolous. I also live alone, and felt calorie *guilt* over the idea of eating an entire banana bread by myself before it went bad. But when I saw a recipe for mini double chocolate cupcakes, I simply could not refuse.
When a struggling friend jokingly messaged me that I should bring her some I laughed it off. But then when I realized it was only 7pm and I still had an entire evening of nothingness, I decided it wasn’t such a bad idea. I filled a plastic baggy with goodies and felt so thrilled to have a mission that possibly included getting to see my friend (through the glass door). But as I flipped my turn signal to head onto the interstate, my mood began to shift. Guilt-ridden questions began filling my head; is it safe to bake for another person? Am I going to be responsible for getting my friend sick? Or her husband? Or baby? Am I even allowed to be driving right now? What started as a fun act of kindness, quickly turned sour by my own guilty thoughts.
After getting home and tirelessly researching the safety of cooking for others (sources say it’s okay!) I’ve come to a new conclusion. There is no “right” way to quarantine. We are in completely uncharted territory where our minds are in a constant battle over doing what’s right for the world and what’s right for our own mental health. If you have been experiencing anything like this I want you to know that you are not alone. We are all just trying to do our best to get through this difficult time. Adding these layers of guilt certainly doesn’t help or change anything. So cut yourself some slack, and bake some dang banana bread.
Written by Jamie Schueler
