The Return of School Means More Stress For Your Kids. But What Is Stressing Them Out?
The longer I am a parent, the more I am convinced of the possibility that our kids can be more stressed out than we are. Yes, as adults, we have bills to pay, bosses to please, kids to worry about, marriages to maintain, and our mid-life crisis to manage. But take a moment to stop and think about how much stress we ask our kids to carry.
Each year we ask them to take on intense learning, trapped inside a social pressure cooker, surrounded by mounting expectations from friends, parents, teachers, and college recruiters. We ask them to maintain school work, friendships, home life, sports and activities, church, and others. That’s a lot for adults, not to mention the developing mind of a student.
It’s important to be aware of some key stressors that can drastically impact the mental health of our students—stressors that will quickly reveal their ugly existence during these first few weeks of a new school year. So today, I want to focus on the top three stressors students experience. Next week, we will discuss how you can help reduce stress and help your student maintain a healthier mind.
Social Stress
It’s easy to forget as adults that kids face enormous social stress in and around school. Not only is it important to have the right hair, the right clothes, the right shoes, and the right trapper keeper (ok, maybe that was just me in middle school). Today, it’s also about the right social standing, the right social media posts with the right filters, and the right people tagged in said post.
Summertime can provide a must-needed break from the mounting stress of childhood perfection. However, the demands for the right image resurface with a vengeance each fall. Just thinking about it is overwhelming. I can’t imagine living such a reality each and every day.
So if you have students (of all ages) in your life, you now know that such pressures exist. But what to do about it? Certainly, you’re thinking, “gosh, that’s too much for them to handle; maybe they should ignore all of that and focus on school.” While such a sentiment may be sugar-coated with wonderful intentions, it won’t help. In fact, it might even make it worse.
Academic Stress
A friend of mine has a shiny, brand new first grader. When I saw him just days before he entered the brave new world of elementary school, he was beaming with pride and excitement. However, the enthusiasm was quickly replaced by anger and betrayal.
He came home with homework. A lot of it. My friend told me she had never heard or seen such vicious anger come out of her son. He was merciless, convinced his parents no longer loved him. After all, what parent who loved their child would allow such torture?
Now, as a former educator, I can confidently say that teachers are a funny breed. We all think our subject is the most important subject, and when dishing out the dreaded homework, we often forget to consider there are other classes and other subjects. We even forget that our students might want to enjoy a quiet evening with family or have activities and hobbies. Of course not! Learning supersedes all of it!
Ok, not quite. But you get the point. The sudden change of additional work can really throw off our kids. No matter how much you try and prepare them, it always ends up trial by fire. Which isn’t all bad; they just need the tools to cope and adapt.
Click Here to Learn More About Managing School Stress
Fear of the Unknown
Most people aren’t big fans of change. Even less love the unknown. Yes, there are a few odd exceptions. If you’re one of those exceptions, then yes, you are odd—or perhaps special (in a good way, of course!). But just imagine the stress our students experience when they walk into a new classroom, a new building, or a new school in a new town. What is exciting and thrilling for some is terrifying for others.
Our brains are always trying to predict the future. It uses past information and experiences combined with the current environment to predict and prepare us for future outcomes. That’s why walking in a classroom day after day, sitting in the same seat, surrounded by the same people, with the same teacher, is comfortable—our brains can easily predict an outcome. Compare that with everything being new and therefore unpredictable. Yet your mind is still trying to predict. That effort creates stress, tension, and anxiety.
From an outside perspective—the adult perspective—our students’ fears can seem irrational. Of course, it does—to you. Maybe you have moved to a new town, changed schools, and experienced many more new and unpredictable moments. So in your mind, the desired outcome is a much easier prediction—one your brain can successfully process. However, that may not be the case in their minds.
Click Here to Learn More About Facing Fears
Conclusion
Even if you’re reading these and thinking the stress is not that big of a deal. Maybe the stress will just toughen them up. Won’t these teach them resilience? Yes, pain is the world’s greatest teacher; what we will discover in our next post is the importance of helping our youth navigate stress. Not remove, but work through it in a healthy way.
