What If I Am My Own Worst Critic?
What do you believe is the best possible path for success? How do you handle failure? Do you believe that you will discover a level of satisfaction in your life that no longer compels you to want more? Are you driving yourself, your kids, spouse, or even friends to ever-increasing degrees of success?
And because of that drive for success, you are your own worst critic. Perhaps you believe yourself to hold greater potential than you currently display. You fully expect yourself to rise to your own level of expectation. Or perhaps, as a child, you were so driven to perfection by your parents that you find yourself seeking to gain their approval even in adulthood. Or maybe you’re caught up in the fake world of social media—the place where everyone’s lives seem perfect, balanced, successful, and adventurous. While you’re struggling to just get laundry done and haven’t showered in almost a week.
The situations are all different, but the end result is often the same. When you’re not meeting expectations (whether your own or someone else), you begin to doubt yourself, get down on yourself, and be incredibly critical. And for some of you, it’s a vicious cycle that seems impossible to break and has drastic implications for your mental health.
But it’s not impossible. It requires you to be intentional, thoughtful, and committed to what is true. RemedyLIVE’s mental health advocate, Richele Groeneweg, offers three simple ideas that can break the cycle and quiet the voice of your internal critic.
First, be aware of the voice
As the saying goes, denial is not just a river in Egypt. Our refusal to recognize reality is a real barrier for many of us. If you tell yourself that you’re a failure, not good enough, smart enough, attractive enough, or skilled enough, then you eventually begin to believe those lies as if they were true. That leads to living as though they are true. Being aware of that voice is the first step in silencing the lies so you can hear what is true.
Click Here to Learn More About Avoiding Self-Criticism
Second, embrace the thoughts, but do not become them.
There is an old Saturday Night Live skit from the 1990s called Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley. The skit featured an odd character, played by Al Franken, who hosted a show that helped people affirm they were good enough, smart enough, and likable. In various episodes, Stuart often recognized the precise nature of his feelings at any given moment—stating that it was, “okay.” Whether another person made him feel scared, angry, confused, or even happy, he embraced the feeling. He reminded himself and the viewers that it was, “okay.”
The skit was nothing short of a comedic masterpiece. And while we may laugh at the silly nature of daily affirmations, Stuart’s strategy of allowing yourself to be in the moment, and accept the feelings for what they are, without becoming those feelings, is a practice most of us know as mindfulness. It’s being aware of the world around you and what you are feeling at the moment. Then properly reacting to them.
Click Here to Learn More About Positive Mindsets
Finally, connect with the community around you
When we feel defeated, we often also feel alone. We get this idea in our minds that our situation is unique, no one will understand, and therefore you have to walk this path alone. That is until you open up and let people into your struggle. You quickly discover that although others may not be experiencing an identical struggle, everyone is dealing with something. And our ability to lean on each other is critical to navigating through our own thinking.
Mental health issues may be an internal struggle, but it's not a private one. You people around you to remind you of what is true, to remind you that you are loved, and to be voice louder than what’s in your head.
