3 Easy And Effective Remedies To Your Kid's Stressful Start to the School Year
In our last post, we talked about three of the biggest stresses our kids face when returning to school—social stress, academic stress, and stress that comes from fear of the unknown. If you missed it, Click Here to read it. This week, I want to dive a little deeper and talk about how we can help our students navigate these stress areas better. If you’re like me, seeing your kids deal with crippling amounts of stress can be heartbreaking. All you want is to make their life easier, remove every barrier, and let them ride down easy street with a huge smile. Unfortunately, stress is unavoidable for all of us. It’s better to take advantage of the stress they experience now and develop the right habits and responses, leading to better mental health.
First, let’s review those key stressors.
Social stress.
Whether we like it or not, the pressure of social media and social norms among our kids is tough to manage, if not debilitating.
Academic stress.
Each new year of school—no matter the grade—brings a fresh workload and, with it, a daunting amount of stress.
Fear of the unknown.
Our minds like predictability. When we step into the unknown—like a new school, new classroom, and even new friends—the work our brains are doing creates stress.
So how do we help? For starters, there is no magic formula, no off switch, and certainly no removing all the obstacles. But there are a few things we can do for our kids (and even for ourselves) that will help them navigate the difficult path and maintain a greater level of mental wellness for this school year and the years to come.
Get It Out
My wife is a verbal processor. She needs to talk everything out. Me, on the other hand, totally different story. I internalize everything. I mull things over in my mind relentlessly. Until it torments me. Then the emotion finally makes its way usually in the form of frustration and irritation. For my wife and me, the stress and emotion must come out appropriately and healthily. But the developing minds of our students don’t always have that figured out. So we need to help them.
We can do this in two easy ways—depending on how they are wired. First, you can just talk. Keep the lines of communication open by creating a safe space for them to share—keeping in mind that what they express as a concern or frustration may not seem like a huge deal to you, but to them, it is. So don’t minimize their concerns or stress.
If they aren’t the talking type, journaling may be the better option. Have them write it out. Anything and everything. Literally, everything. Somewhere in there will be the root cause of their stress and anxiety. While you may not have an immediate solution, just getting it out is the perfect first step.
Click Here to Learn More About Emotions
Celebrate the Victories and the Failures
Let’s not lie to ourselves. Failure is scary. Because failure means we failed. It means we didn’t win. And everyone wants to win. None of us wake up in the morning and think, “today, I’m going to do everything in my power to fail.” Or, “gosh, I hope I lose today.” If you did, your failure would actually be a win because you accomplished your goal. Didn’t see that bit of logic coming, did you?
We love to celebrate the victories. And we should. It’s fun and rewarding to revel in our successes. Our refrigerator-worthy accomplishments can be a great motivator in how we move forward, giving ourselves confidence and accomplishing greater goals in the future. Let’s face it; life would be eternally frustrating if we always failed. But while the taste of victory is sweet, failures can be just as beneficial if we view them in the right light. Failures can be refrigerator worthy as well.
For many students, school demands success. So even the occasional failure breeds added stress and anxiety—even creating an overwhelming fear of failing. We need to remind our students that success demands failure. How do you do that? Next time your student is studying hard, up late preparing for a test, or pouring everything into a term paper, and despite their best effort, perform less than fridge-worthy—grab a magnet and stick it up there anyway. Celebrate the effort, celebrate the progress, and celebrate the necessary first steps to the victory that’s right around the corner.
Click Here to Learn More About Having a Healthy Outlook on Failure
Develop Rhythms of Rest
Sleep is critically important to the development of our students, but that isn’t what I mean here. When we talk about rest, we mean the idea of pausing from the everyday chaos and responsibilities of life and doing something intentionally that refills you. Not just for a few minutes each day. That can be nice, but it’s not enough. Train your students as early as possible to take an entire day of rest.
What does that mean? Allow me to explain further. While modern science has confirmed the benefits of rest, renewal, and rejuvenation for body and mind, it’s a concept that dates back to ancient Israel. The nation of Israel was commanded by God to work only six of the seven days. The seventh was set apart—holy—for worship and rest. It was not only a way of relying on God for what they needed to survive physically—as in food, shelter, and income; but it was also needed for their spiritual survival.
The need nor the command has lost its impact. Yet, in modern western culture, busyness is a virtue. Culture is lying to you. Don’t listen. Over the next few days, pay attention to how many people either complain or celebrate how busy they are. It screams, “I’m important!” because we have bought into the lie that busy means important and accomplished and it’s unhealthy. It sends us down a path destined to encounter a future of mental health struggles.
Rest is harder for some and easier for others, but the idea is simple. No, it doesn’t mean binge-watching Netflix all day. That’s not rest. Spending time with friends and family, pursuing hobbies, mini-vacations, projects around the house, reading a great book, and even yard work for some can be restorative. Help your students find the things that help them rest and then be disciplined enough to shut down completely for a day. But here is the hardest part. Even when there is still work to be done, stop! It will still be there when they return to it, and they will have more energy and focus to finish what needs to be done.
None of these are all that hard (except for some of you, like me, rest is the real challenge). Make it your mission as a family to try these out. Make them a priority. Stress won’t magically disappear, but your students will get much better at managing it.
