How To Slow Down And Go Easy On Yourself
Have you ever spent so much time and energy taking care of others that you leave no time for yourself? Does the daily routine of a job, family, school, or even friends leave you little time for what fills and recharges you? We live in a culture that prioritizes and celebrates how busy we are. When asked how we are doing, it's a virtue to answer with how pressed for time we are. Yet the reality is that many of us live in a constant state of hurry without regard for the mental health implications such a pace would have.
And if you’re like me, you didn’t see the impact of the pace and the effect of ignoring yourself until it was too late. You feel trapped. Or, as U2 put it, “stuck in a moment and you can’t get out of it.” You know it’s affecting your mental health and perhaps even the mental health of loved ones. But take heart, there’s good news. There’s a way out.
However, the longer you live at the mercy of your schedule and in the tyranny of the urgent, the more you need to focus on yourself to achieve good mental health. We need to take care of ourselves—to essentially love ourselves. We need to really know ourselves, have compassion for ourselves, not be so hard on ourselves, and know precisely when to say no.
Get To Know Yourself
I grew up thinking being introverted was a bad thing. Something I needed to overcome. I felt guilty that I didn’t like large crowds. I became anxious when forced into an uncomfortable social position and depressed that I couldn’t handle it as others expected me to.
It would be years later until I learned that my introverted nature was not only normal but understanding it would be a key to taking better care of my mental health. I learned that the best way to take care of myself was by recharging alone. I need time away from people so I can be my best self around people. And the more self-aware I have become over the years, the better my mental state, self-esteem, anxiety levels, and stress. I no longer feel guilty about the need to disconnect and therefore don’t have the anxiety and depression associated with the general social conventions that involve lots of people.
Don’t be fooled though. It’s a lifelong process. But spend the time to get to know yourself. How you relate with people, how you recharge, and how you tend to respond to external circumstances. A great place to start this process is with the Enneagram. It will provide you with some simple and fundamental clues as to how you are wired and how to step into that space in order to maximize your own unique personality.
Click Here to Learn More About Anxiety
Practice Self-Compassion
There is no worse critic for most of us than our own internal one. For most of us, we are harder on ourselves than anyone else. We give everyone else all the grace in the world, the benefit of the doubt, second chances, encouragement, and motivation. But when it comes to ourselves, we self-deprecate, demotivate, doubt our abilities, and lack confidence in ourselves.
What might happen if a friend, spouse, or kid made a mistake. I mean, a big mistake. Nothing was done against you personally, but a mistake nonetheless. Perhaps your kid comes home with a failing grade, or you loan a friend your car, and they have an accident with it. What’s your reaction? Likely, you’re not going to tell them they are dumb, stupid, worthless, an idiot, etc. I certainly hope not.
You value the relationship, so you offer grace, understanding, and compassion instead. Yet we don’t do the same with ourselves. We wouldn’t dream of telling our kids or best friends how stupid they are, so why do we tell ourselves we are? Instead, treat yourself like you would expect yourself to treat others. Be gracious with yourself, be compassionate, and frankly, just give yourself a break.
Click Here to Learn More About Self-Love
It’s OK To Say NO
As a young parent, I was determined to raise the kind of kids who would be the best at their activity or sport of choice. For my oldest, it would be ballet. Running the risk of sounding like one of those parents, she was really good. But over the years, I didn’t realize that the pace she was running (5 or more days a week dancing) was beginning to adversely affect her mental health. She was depressed, defiant, and just plain difficult to deal with. We suspected someone was wrong, yet every time we asked about dance, she assured us that she enjoyed it.
So we did the unthinkable. We forced her to take a break. Not forever, just for a season.
Allowing yourself the time for self-care means making yourself a priority. But to do that, you will have to say no to others things. And for some of you, that’s really hard. Maybe impossible. Maybe some people count on you. Or perhaps you are wired to please people, and letting them down is too great an emotional burden to bear.
However, taking care of ourselves means setting up the appropriate boundaries and limiting what we can do for others. Yes, that means saying no. You might have yourself believing that “no” is a selfish word—we believe the act of giving yourself is a more noble task, and in some cases, that is true. But if you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t be at your best for other people. Knowing yourself well enough to prevent over-commitment, create boundaries, and find what recharges and fills you is non-negotiable.
Since starting this new season with our oldest, we have seen a drastic improvement in her behavior, mood, and demeanor. Giving her permission to say no and take care of her own mental health. It has been more than just a chance for a breather. It has created a new life in her.
Taking better care of ourselves is a critical yet straightforward way to lower your stress, reduce your risk for illness, increase your energy, and give you better mental health. Having a better understanding and awareness of yourself, setting boundaries by saying no, and showing yourself the same grace and compassion you show others are key to truly being happy and healthy.
