Is My Teen Suffering From Depression or Drama? How You Can Know And Help.
If you're a parent of teens, then you’ve likely heard outlandish comments like, "You don't understand!" or "My life is ruined!" Or some variation. You've experienced sheer jubilation, episodes of crying, fits of rage—sometimes all simultaneously. There are days when everything seems like an inconvenient challenge—whether it’s getting homework done or just getting out of bed. Yet there are other days when you stand back and admire your parenting triumph evident in their poise and demeanor. The life of a teen can be as clear as mud.
There is little doubt that a student's life has its fair share of ups and downs, moments of depression, and moments of sheer, unfettered joy. One minute, life is perfect. The next, it's horrifying. You wonder, is it raging hormones? Not likely. That's actually a myth. Is it brain development on overload? That's possible. The teenage brain is experiencing rapid development that even their brain can't keep up with it. It's a paradox, I know. But could it be depression? Perhaps, but you don't want to overreact. You don't want to put an idea in their head that's not really there—a genuine concern among many parents. So how can you know?
Depression is not only scary but more common than we might want to admit. In 2017 Pew Research cited a study that reported 13% of teens ages 13-17 said they experienced at least one major depressive episode in the past year. 26% of the same age said that depression and anxiety were major concerns. Girls are nearly three times as likely as boys to have an episode of depression.
Depression or Drama?
Unprecedented forces are working against the happiness and contentment of our kids. We want to believe that social media and the internet have people connected worldwide for our benefit, yet our kids actually feel more disconnected than ever—40% of teens say they feel disconnected from their peers. You can blame the pandemic, distance learning, social media, or any number of other factors. But the bottom line is the world around our teens is drastically affecting their mental health. It's not all bad, but how can you tell when your teen has crossed the line from navigating their cultural norms with their regular ups and downs to becoming paralyzed in a state of depression?
According to the James Madison Centers for Recovery, the drama and regular emotional roller coaster of emotions are entirely normal. Frustrating and hard for parents to navigate, but completely normal nonetheless. Thankfully, they provide us with some helpful ways to tell the difference between what is normal and what requires our immediate attention.
Episodes of persistent sadness or isolation lasting for more than a few days. Your teens will have moments, even days, of sadness and what can look like depression, but when it becomes an ongoing thing, there may be cause for concern. Click Here to Learn More.
Loss of motivation or interest in their favorite things. We all have the things that will lift our spirits no matter our mood. If their favorite things still don't seem to help, they may be experiencing a bout of depression. Click Here to Learn More.
Painful thought patterns can result in a sense of hopelessness or severe anxiety. Sometimes it feels impossible to get inside the mind of your teen leaving you clueless as to what they are thinking. But it's crucial to establish and keep an open line of communication with your kids. It's really the only way you'll be able to detect varying patterns of thought and help them navigate through their struggles. The goal is to be sure their struggles do not become a secret. Click Here to Learn More.
Physical symptoms like trouble sleeping and changes in appetite. Teens will eat you out of house and home, right? They are always hungry, and there is never enough food. You don't necessarily have to sound the alarm if their appetite changes. However, as with all of these trends, it's when it persists that raises the potential for a problem. Click Here to Learn More.
Not attending school? But what if they just don't like school? What if your teen has a test or quiz they didn't study for and suddenly gets "sick?" What if your teen just watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and it gave them a great idea? Of course, these are teen issues, but not mental health issues. But never wanting to go to school? There is likely a problem.
Self-harming behaviors. This is not something to wait for or analyze. If you notice your student engaging in self-harm, it's time to seek some help. Click Here to Learn More.
Talking about suicide. To be clear, there is a difference between the causal and sometimes frustrating comments and the serious talk of suicide. Either way, these kinds of comments should never be taken lightly. Click Here to Learn More.
How You Can Help
Whether or not they’re serious, all of these indicators are opportunities to open a conversation. Kids need to know, without a doubt, that there is a trusted adult who is willing to listen without judgment, allow them the time to process feelings and provide wisdom and the space needed to navigate their emotions. A small conversation can make an enormous impact on your teen's life and mental health.
The James Madison Centers for Recovery also offers ways to help your students.
Remember what it was like to be a teen. The circumstances have changed, but the emotions are always the same.
Express your concern about specific behaviors and start with the word "I," such as "I can't help but notice that you haven't been eating much at dinner and your stomach aches have been getting worse." Doing so is less intrusive, accusatory, and allows space for you to be wrong in your interpretation. Then, be prepared to listen. You may feel the compulsion to solve the problem. Don't. Just listen.
Listen, do not interrupt. This is harder for some of us. Be very conscious of your non-verbals. Sometimes our body language does the interrupting.
Do not use the words "always" or "never." Like my grandma always said, "Never is a long time!"
Acknowledge that you are in this together and that they can count on you for help. Your teen may not always take you up on your offer to help, but knowing that you are available at any moment makes a big difference.
The adolescent years are full of unrelenting drama, emotional outbursts, a need for connection with peers, learning to do life on their own, and the importance of parental guidance. Easy right? We all want our kids to be happy, well-adjusted teens, navigating through life as if floating happily on a cloud. When reality hits, it hits hard. While there is no sure-fire, step-by-step process for helping our kids, the key is a strong relationship with our kids. There is no guarantee they won't experience depression in some way. But if they do, the stronger your relationship, the easier it is to help them navigate those moments successfully.
