Why Empathy Is Important For Mental Wellness
I like to fix things. I am often greeted home from work with a few toys or household items that need fixing. My wife would rather just throw it away and start over. Not me. Why buy something new when what you have is perfectly fine–it just needs some minor repairs? Besides, I love the challenge.
The problem, however, is that sometimes I take that same approach with people. It is tough for me to fight the desire to fix a problem when I see it. I have to actively think about having empathy. This is especially important for those struggling with mental illness.
One of my closest friends struggles daily with crippling anxiety. There are days when leaving the house for what is usually the easiest of tasks is nearly impossible. When I hear of those moments, empathy needs to be the default response, not Mr. fix-it.
Empathy helps us get a clearer picture of what is happening inside another person's mind. Empathy opens our minds up to the feelings of others so that we respond appropriately. Oddly enough, studies have shown that a proper empathetic response leads to greater degrees of help for the person.
Let me explain.
Explaining Empathy
Consider a person struggling with mental health issues for just a moment. It can be challenging for that person to find the right words and thoughts to describe what is happening in their mind. It can be difficult to admit something considered abnormal or unhealthy. It might even be nearly impossible for some to understand what they are experiencing. As a result, it becomes easy to feel devalued, unloved, out of place, and alone. It can be hard to trust other people, share feelings, and feel heard.
Among all the struggles and lies that a person hears every day, they need the right kind of empathy because it builds up the sacred space of social connection between people. Taking the time to listen to other people, their struggles, and their stories creates a better environment for their physical and psychological well-being.
Empathy is our ability to engage in meaningful dialogue that focuses specifically on the inner experience of the other person. It means listening to another's feelings, thoughts, dreams, memories, and beliefs. These kinds of authentic conversations help all of us feel seen, valued, and felt.
Empathy builds trust.
A few nights ago, my two older daughters found themselves in a serious disagreement. There was yelling, screaming, and crying. Feelings were hurt, and the relationship needed repair. I have always made it my business to allow them to "fight it out" and fix it themselves. I want them to learn the value of forgiveness and restoration. But this time, I needed to step in and help.
My oldest was being selfish and rude, and her sister called her out because her feelings were hurt. When they tried to talk about it, her feelings were ignored. Her older sister attempted to shield herself from blame and changed the subject. Inadvertently telling her sister, "I don't value your feelings." Now, to be fair, she wasn't doing this intentionally. She simply didn't understand her younger sister's feelings. She couldn't connect with what happening in her mind. I had to remind both of them that empathy creates the necessary foundation for lasting trust in the form of grace, compassion, kindness, and love. Lack empathy, lose trust.
While we may not genuinely understand what another person is going through, we can always sit with them, cry with them–simply be present. But we can build a relationship with that person, build trust with that person, and remind them they are loved, valued, have meaning and purpose through our empathy.
Empathy Doesn't Compare Or Judge
During my first year as a teacher (so many years ago), I had a student stop by my classroom to talk. She sat down by my desk and began explaining that she was actively engaged in self-harm. She rolled up her sleeve and showed me the cuts and scars on her arms. I did my best to jot down a few notes and ask a few probing questions about her family and relationship with God. But I fully admit that in my youth and ignorance, I spent more thinking about whether or not she had a legitimate problem.
There are going to be times we end up comparing instead of listening. While we try to listen to a person sharing their heart, we are busy analyzing whether or not their concerns are valid and worth our time. I know, this sounds harsh. But even if we are not actively trying to compare and judge, we do.
If you're not going through what the other person is, what business do we have to compare ourselves to them? Our perspective on the matter isn’t always helpful to the person. My mom used to remind me frequently, "that person's stuff is their stuff, no matter how big or small you think it is. If it's big to them, then it is." Doing otherwise is not empathy but apathy.
Empathy Asks The Right Questions.
We've all done it. Because it's a nice thing to ask. "How are you?" But how much do we really care about the response? Especially when the answer is something we might not expect or know how to deal with.
It's not hard to ask another person how they are doing. The hard part is caring about their response. One of the simplest and yet, most effective ways to practice empathy is to get beyond asking how are you. Instead, ask, "how are you, really?" This question communicates something entirely different than just, "how are you?" It demands a deeper answer. It suggests you care about their response.
Click Here to Learn More About Asking Meaningful Questions
Empathy Cares About The Solution
In Christian circles, we talk a lot about praying. We often gather together to pray for other people. Sometimes we know the people well, sometimes not at all. There are many reasons why people pray. But perhaps the most important reason is the posture it creates between you and another person.
Praying for other people is an active, empathetic response. It enables us to be moved with compassion and grace for other people. It helps us see the world through their eyes and places us in their situation. Prayer is the place we begin to care far beyond a singular moment. We follow up, care about the end result or solution. We become an important and supportive part of their life because we choose to actively love them.
Humanity is meant to live and thrive in a community with one another. Being in community demands we treat others as we wish to be treated, to place others before ourselves, and to care for people who are in need. Community requires empathy.
