Fear is Not Your Guide through Life
My kids, like so many, love the Frozen movies. They love the songs, the characters, and the story. However, just like any good dad, I do my best to point out all the minor flaws in the story. Most of the time, I am just playing around and giving my kids a hard time. But maybe the most glaring flaw is how the trolls and Elsa’s parents handle her powers. After accidentally striking Anna, mom and dad seek out the help of the trolls, who tell Elsa that fear is her enemy, which actually ends up scaring her. The king and queen compound her fears by isolating Elsa from the rest of the world. Eventually, she is forced to confront her fear and overcome it to find peace and happiness internally and for her kingdom.
Fear is what controls the entire story. And while I might have been joking around with my kids and trying so hard to annoy them, there is an important lesson to be learned here. It’s so easy for our minds to dwell on the what ifs, the things that have not happened (and may never happen), or the fear of the unknown. But the life we desire is not discovered through fear. We can’t let fear decide our goals and dreams. We can’t let fear control the decisions we make. Fear is designed to keep us alive in a fight or flight moment, not as a governing principle for a lifetime.
Can you imagine how different the story of Elsa and Anna would have been if Elsa chose to live with her powers fearlessly? Can you imagine the different kinds of life they would have lived without isolation and fear of what they didn’t understand? Now let’s consider the real world for a minute. What about you? Do you operate your daily life in fear? Do you agonize over what could happen? Do you allow your mind to go places you know it shouldn’t?
The scary part about fear is that it can multiply--fast. Fear only creates more fear. When you’re afraid, you isolate and avoid what you’re afraid of, which leads to increased avoidance and isolation, which ultimately creates more opportunities to be scared. This is literally what is meant by the phrase “your mind is playing tricks on you.” You see where this is going. I know it’s animation, but think about this in terms of Elsa. It’s precisely the cycle she found herself in. Fear changes the way our brain operates, which then affects our decision-making and rationalization--initiating our fight or flight response in our brains. This turns off the part of our brains that help us make wise, informed decisions.
Isolating yourself and avoiding what you’re afraid of teaches your brain to be more afraid, putting you in a constant state of panic. But facing your fears actually calms your brain down. Your brain learns that what you were afraid of wasn’t actually a threat. Overcoming fear is more than just conquering a fear of heights or public speaking. It’s training your brain that the unknown that lurks around the corner might actually be an incredible opportunity rather than total destruction in life. It means those magical powers might end up being a blessing rather than a curse.
Challenges/Points:
If you allow it, fear will control you, multiply, and thus create more fear.
Facing your fears actually changes how your brain works and responds to perceived threats.
You can train your brain to see the unknown as an opportunity to be had rather than something to be afraid of.
Questions:
Time to be honest. What are you afraid of? Have you ever had the thrill of facing your fear?
If you agonize over the fear of what could go wrong, how do you think you would feel if you thought of what might go right?
So much of our fears are around what we don’t understand. What would your fears look like if you had a fuller understanding?
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