Having a relaxed stance, arms down or in an open position and a smile on your face, sends the message that you are inviting others to join you in a friendly conversation. Maintaining eye contact while talking lets the speaker know you are attentive to what they are sharing. Living in a pandemic, we all know that masks make it harder to feel a sense of vulnerability with others; but masked or not, being intentional about eye contact can help remove some of those barriers that make it harder to be authentic with others.

Let's be honest; 2020 was not the year we wished for. In fact, it's not even a year worthy of a do-over. I would much prefer to forget it ever happened. But if there was anything good, it was that I learned where to put my focus--on the things I actually do have control over. 

But it's his average-ness that I love about him. It's what makes him actually pretty great. Because I had the opportunity over the years to watch him thrive where so many of us get stuck--living in the average. Let's face it, average is what describes most of us. But my dad has made the most of every gift, talent, and treasure he has--no matter how big or small. 

Take a second and think about your day. Do you hit the ground running in the morning? Push yourself to the limit? Taking care of the kids, checking email, after-school activities, doing homework, stress about deadlines, and your determination to accomplish everything you put on your to-do list. Without warning, sleep turns into nothing more than a short reprieve between tasks rather than the necessary restoration your body and mind need.

Fact: For every good way of coping we might choose, there is an equally destructive or damaging way of coping we could turn to instead. We might turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of a failed relationship instead of sitting with it and examining the part we played, or we might choose to cope with low self esteem by trying to be the best at everything instead of doing the hard inner work of changing what we believe about ourselves. Unfortunately, we can even use people as an unhealthy way of coping the same way that we can turn to people for healthy support, guidance, and love.

Using MRIs, researchers can figure out what part of our brain lights up when listening to music. What they’re seeing is that music is not just sent to one part of the brain. It actually affects most of our brain. Different parts of a song like rhythm and tone are analyzed in different parts of the brain. The part of our brain that processes emotions also lights up when listening to a song (McCollum 2019). 

In some ways, the divorce of a stepfamily is more complicated than the divorce of a biological family. There are legal requirements and visitation schedules that keep biological family members linked even after a divorce. That is not the case when it comes to stepfamily members. 

If you feel that you already have a close friend or two, that you have your community of people to support you, then try to be that for someone new. Not everyone is brave enough to take that first step. On the other side of that, we can’t wait for someone to make the first move either. The years and years that the people at this conference, and myself, felt so alone were because we kept waiting for someone else to extend the invitation. 

I’ve looked back at that day so many times over the years. In life, you can’t always prepare in advance for what the day will bring. Sometimes you find yourself at the top of a mountain and you have to figure out what to do. You need to put aside the fear and give it a try. Then comes the beautiful moment when you realize you can ski. Maybe not well, but you’re making progress. 

It sounds harsh. Trust me, it felt harsh. But they explained, “Only you can choose to make the right decisions for yourself each day. No one is going to call when you pick up that unhealthy snack and tell you to put it down. No one is going to text you to get out of bed in time for work, or to work out, or to make breakfast, or to read that book you’ve been wanting to. You have to make those decisions for yourself. Every day. No excuses. It’s only up to you.” 

Sometimes not working becomes the actual work. Sometimes resting is not as easy as it once was. But does that mean we give up? Not even a little. It means we remove the stigma of stopping, and we retrain our brains to remember the sheer joy of doing nothing. I know what you're thinking: "That's a lot easier said than done." Maybe that's true, but what prevents us from simply enjoying and appreciating doing nothing is that we allow our tasks to captivate our attention more than rest. 

One of my very favorite parts of Facebook is viewing my memories from years past. My old posts contain photos of my children when they were babies, friends from my college days, and written thoughts that highlight happy memories that I’ve made. They fill me with joy as I think about each day and see the history of my life unfold before me. 

What do all these songs have in common? Alcohol. I guarantee most of us hear someone talking or singing about drinking every day. It’s a huge part of American society. However, most of us also know that drinking is really not great for you, especially the kind of drinking these songs are talking about. What really happens in your brain while you drink alcohol? 

I mentioned that I didn’t want to go to public school, but I now think my parents were wise in enrolling me in one. I had been pretty sheltered prior to public school. I had been raised and living in this little bubble that popped pretty quickly. I became more empathic of what others were going through. I learned about the importance of diversity. I also did a program that really pushed me to work hard and prepared me for college. 

“It is not the critic who counts,” he said, “not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs… if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you found it was hard to think about almost anything else? If you have, you might have been experiencing what’s called “scarcity mindset”. Scarcity mindset is a sort of tunnel vision that occurs when you want or need something so badly that all other things fade to the background (Vedantam, 2017).

While most of us are engaging in more and more screen time every day, less and less of us are walking regularly. It’s becoming easy to forget what we could do away from Netflix and videogames, Tik Tok and Instagram. So much time spent with technology also means that we get disconnected from our own bodies. Walking brings us back to earth and connects us with ourselves at the same time. It roots us. 

It was stunningly beautiful. A milky pale green color studded with gold drops and a single black line, this temporary resting place was like a living gem. For 8-15 days (depending on temperature), the caterpillar would wait, completely still inside, and in that waiting, it would be utterly transformed.   

Think back to right before your last vacation. What were you feeling as you prepared to hit the road or head to the airport? Excitement? Adventure? Maybe even a little restless? You may not know how to describe it, but you probably know that feeling - the anticipation of knowing you’re going to see someplace new and have fun experiences. Shortly after, you go on the trip and have a blast. But after a few days or weeks, it must come to an end. That’s when another feeling hits. 

About 4 months later, we ran a half marathon. She had easily convinced me to join her in training. We’d found a training plan that didn’t look that bad, I had already been exercising so how hard could it be to add in running, and it gave us an excuse to spend more time together. I didn’t expect to fall in love with it, though. Who would want to run so much and so far?