Different Types of Love
“I love you.”
“I totally love nachos!”
“LOVE it. That outfit is everything.”
“Love you Mom!”
You know what, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that the way you feel about nachos is not exactly the same way that you feel about your Mother. And you probably don’t feel the same way toward your favorite shoes as you do your boyfriend or girlfriend. So why on earth do we use one word to describe all these different feelings!? Good question. Welcome to one of the most frustrating things about the English language.
Luckily for us, we now have access to all kinds of information, which means we can dig into another language: Greek. The Greeks had words for eight different types of love. The eight types of love described in the writings of men like Plato and Aristotle are agape, philia, ludus, eros, pragma, philautia, storge, and mania. Let’s look at each of these a bit more up close.
Agape/Universal Love - This is the compassionate love we can feel for someone we’ve never met, often referred to as unconditional love (Regan, 2021).
Philia/Deep Friendship - Although our culture values sexual/eros love over friendship love, this type of love is often just as powerful and meaningful as the romantic kind (Regan, 2021).
Ludus/Playful Uncommitted Love - You know that fun, flirtatious stage when you are just starting to learn about a person and see how much you have in common? That’s ludus (Regan, 2021).
Eros/Sexual, Passionate Love - This is what we consider romantic love today. This typically changes into another type with time or simply dissipates. It’s the intense love that draws two people together in the beginning and in Greek myth is considered a form of madness (Regan, 2021).
Pragma/Practical Love - Thought of as “the love of choice,” this is one of the loves found among old, married couples who have chosen each other again and again after eros faded. This is also the love that allows someone to stay with and support their partner through a drawn out medical situation (Regan, 2021).
Philautia/Self Love - When healthy, this is a balance of self esteem and self confidence. Too much can lead to high self confidence with low self esteem (think of a famous singer who performs in front of thousands but is terrified of failure or only finds their value in what they do).
Storge/Family Love - Pronounced “store-jay”, this love depends far less on liking a person’s qualities and more on shared memories, longevity, and blood relation. Think of the way a parent loves a child or a friend you’ve had since grade school (Regan, 2021).
Mania/Obsessive Love - One could argue that this isn’t a true form of love (as it hurts more than benefits each participant). This is a distorted, unhealthy form of love (Regan, 2021).
More than one type of love is often present in a relationship, and one frequently leads to another. Understanding these types can help you appreciate all the different ways love shows up in your life!
Reference: Regan, Sarah. (2021). 8 types of love + How to know which one you’re feeling. Mind Body Green. Retrieved from https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/types-of-love.
Challenges/Points:
The Greeks referred to eight different types of love. These include universal love, deep friendship, playful love, passionate love, practical love, self love, family love, and obsessive love.
One type of love can lead to another or they can appear together. For example, playful love and passionate love are often together in the start of a romantic relationship, but if the relationship lasts a long time, these are often transformed into family love and practical love.
Our culture tends to elevate eros/passionate love above all other types but that is only one of the many faces love can wear.
Questions:
Have you heard about the different types of love before?
Which type of love do you think you’ve experienced the most?
Which type of love do you think you’ve experienced the least?
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