Fact: For every good way of coping we might choose, there is an equally destructive or damaging way of coping we could turn to instead. We might turn to alcohol or drugs to numb the pain of a failed relationship instead of sitting with it and examining the part we played, or we might choose to cope with low self esteem by trying to be the best at everything instead of doing the hard inner work of changing what we believe about ourselves. Unfortunately, we can even use people as an unhealthy way of coping the same way that we can turn to people for healthy support, guidance, and love.

If you feel that you already have a close friend or two, that you have your community of people to support you, then try to be that for someone new. Not everyone is brave enough to take that first step. On the other side of that, we can’t wait for someone to make the first move either. The years and years that the people at this conference, and myself, felt so alone were because we kept waiting for someone else to extend the invitation. 

It sounds harsh. Trust me, it felt harsh. But they explained, “Only you can choose to make the right decisions for yourself each day. No one is going to call when you pick up that unhealthy snack and tell you to put it down. No one is going to text you to get out of bed in time for work, or to work out, or to make breakfast, or to read that book you’ve been wanting to. You have to make those decisions for yourself. Every day. No excuses. It’s only up to you.” 

Sometimes not working becomes the actual work. Sometimes resting is not as easy as it once was. But does that mean we give up? Not even a little. It means we remove the stigma of stopping, and we retrain our brains to remember the sheer joy of doing nothing. I know what you're thinking: "That's a lot easier said than done." Maybe that's true, but what prevents us from simply enjoying and appreciating doing nothing is that we allow our tasks to captivate our attention more than rest. 

What do all these songs have in common? Alcohol. I guarantee most of us hear someone talking or singing about drinking every day. It’s a huge part of American society. However, most of us also know that drinking is really not great for you, especially the kind of drinking these songs are talking about. What really happens in your brain while you drink alcohol? 

I mentioned that I didn’t want to go to public school, but I now think my parents were wise in enrolling me in one. I had been pretty sheltered prior to public school. I had been raised and living in this little bubble that popped pretty quickly. I became more empathic of what others were going through. I learned about the importance of diversity. I also did a program that really pushed me to work hard and prepared me for college. 

While most of us are engaging in more and more screen time every day, less and less of us are walking regularly. It’s becoming easy to forget what we could do away from Netflix and videogames, Tik Tok and Instagram. So much time spent with technology also means that we get disconnected from our own bodies. Walking brings us back to earth and connects us with ourselves at the same time. It roots us. 

It was stunningly beautiful. A milky pale green color studded with gold drops and a single black line, this temporary resting place was like a living gem. For 8-15 days (depending on temperature), the caterpillar would wait, completely still inside, and in that waiting, it would be utterly transformed.   

Think back to right before your last vacation. What were you feeling as you prepared to hit the road or head to the airport? Excitement? Adventure? Maybe even a little restless? You may not know how to describe it, but you probably know that feeling - the anticipation of knowing you’re going to see someplace new and have fun experiences. Shortly after, you go on the trip and have a blast. But after a few days or weeks, it must come to an end. That’s when another feeling hits. 

About 4 months later, we ran a half marathon. She had easily convinced me to join her in training. We’d found a training plan that didn’t look that bad, I had already been exercising so how hard could it be to add in running, and it gave us an excuse to spend more time together. I didn’t expect to fall in love with it, though. Who would want to run so much and so far? 

When we’re continually letting ourselves get worked up about someone or something, it’s impacting our physical health. Our blood pressure is high, and the chemicals released with being angry can have lasting effects. There is an increased risk of heart disease, irritable bowel syndrome, fatigue, and some autoimmune disorders (Before forgiving - the effect of anger and resentment on the body, 2014). 

There are a LOT of ways that we can practice emotional numbing. Some of us might use alcohol or drugs, others might turn to a never ending to-do list to avoid feeling. Even if we don’t use any of those approaches, we can still move through our days with a “just don’t think about it” approach that puts certain feelings away in a box instead of learning how to deal with them (Michael, 2020).

Question of the day: what if we never stopped growing? Physically, I mean. What if, for our entire lives, we were on a continual growth track that pointed in one direction: up. Well for one thing I’d imagine that there’d probably need to be elevators everywhere. Stores, restaurants, and schools would need to accommodate the shorter populace and the tallest. Maybe we’d utilize outdoor spaces more. I don’t have a clue how transportation or cars would work!

There are times when my heart begins beating fast, my mind starts racing, and I break out in a nervous sweat. It may seem that the cause of these symptoms would be from doing something challenging, such as taking a test or perhaps giving an important presentation. However, more often than not, these effects take place in my body shortly after scrolling through news articles online. 

Skin hunger? I promise, this has nothing to do with cannibals! When we discuss health and wellness, it’s safe to say that touch probably isn’t the first thing to come to mind. We might think of getting enough exercise, eating healthy, or working to create positive self talk about ourselves but hugs?

Well it turns out that hugs matter. A lot.

Even though practicing silence can feel frightening and unnerving at first, push past that feeling. Stay with it! There is a place on the other side of that fear where the waters of peace run deep. For you, maybe it’s in the morning shower before you’ve been sucked into the rhythm of the day. Or maybe it’s somewhere out in nature where you can sit alone and just feel the sun or the wind. Wherever it is, make a point to seek out silence sometime this week and befriend it.

An activity that forces you to think about something else besides whatever is worrying you is helpful. Distraction (to an extent) is a positive way to cope with something. I’m not talking about avoiding your problems and never working things out. When you’re not taking care of problems, you’re just prolonging anxiety and issues. Distraction is NOT healthy in this way. However, sometimes, we just need to clear our heads. For example, last year I was applying to graduate school, involved in several clubs and extracurriculars, working, and a full time student. I needed ways to just relax and let the anxiety out during that time. Driving is one way to do this. It gives me the opportunity to focus on something else. When your brain is in hyperdrive, it needs a break! Distraction can help.

While there are many physical benefits to good hygiene, there’s also an impact socially. People who take care of themselves in these ways tend to be more confident and have higher self-esteem. This boosts productivity at work or school, increases positive self-talk, and puts the person in a better mood. On the other hand, those who don’t practice good hygiene tend to have lower self-esteem and have increased thoughts of anxiety and irritability. It seems as though the saying holds true: look your best, feel your best!

Fact: Nothing feels awful the way that doing something that betrays yourself does. I can remember in vivid detail moments from my childhood when family members would turn their focus on me, throw their arms wide, and in front of everybody say, “Come here and give me a hug!” And I did. Even if I didn’t want to. Even if everything in me was saying, “No.” I still did. As a child, I hadn’t been taught yet that there are moments where it’s far more important to disappoint another person than it is yourself. Instead, I was taught, like many of us are, not to make a scene or “disrespect” adults so I didn’t. I betrayed myself instead. It wasn’t until my teen years that I learned the importance of listening to that still, small voice inside and that there was a way to tell the truth and still be respectful.

“Well, do we want to go or not?”

I was in that moment again. That moment where what I said would determine whether my husband and I would be attending a party, community event, or charity dinner. We led fairly full lives, as most young couples do, but I tended to guard our free time like a territorial wolf. “No” was my favorite word.