Quality Time
When I was first married, I took the Five Love Languages quiz and had fun exploring the different styles of expressing love and figuring out why some spoke to me more than others. Now, 14 years later, I still find myself thinking of them and how they impact all of my relationships. Over time, some of my preferred styles have shifted a bit, but throughout my life the one that remained the strongest has always been quality time.
When it comes to quality time, the elements that make it really special to me are how, when expressed well, you can experience a sense of being known, seen, and valued by another person. These messages are often conveyed through depth of conversation, body language, and letting go of distractions in order to be attentive.
Having a meaningful conversation with someone often means two things will take place. One is good listening habits. Rephrasing what you think you heard the other person say shows you are willing to take time to understand their point of view and desire to connect. In other words, you aren’t just there to share your own story but to genuinely take an interest in those you are with. The other is following up with good questions. Thoughtful questions will convey that you are wanting to know more and go deeper, making the other person feel they are worthy of your time.
Your body language and posture can also help in creating a welcoming environment. Having a relaxed stance, arms down or in an open position and a smile on your face, sends the message that you are inviting others to join you in a friendly conversation. Maintaining eye contact while talking lets the speaker know you are attentive to what they are sharing. Living in a pandemic, we all know that masks make it harder to feel a sense of vulnerability with others; but masked or not, being intentional about eye contact can help remove some of those barriers that make it harder to be authentic with others.
By letting go of distractions, you are telling the person you are with that taking time for them is important to you. This could mean muting your cell phone, ignoring calls or texts that come in, turning down the radio or TV to be able to hear them clearly, or making sure that the time you are spending with them will be free from interruptions. Nobody enjoys feeling brave enough to share a difficult story or emotion only to have the listener put them on pause while they answer their phone or respond to a text. Instead, giving them your undivided attention sends the message that what they have to say matters to you, and you desire to be a safe place for their honesty.
Whether or not quality time is your primary love language, everyone can benefit from having friends that display these traits well or learning to be that kind of friend for others.
Challenges/Points:
When trying to build a relationship, focus on being a good listener and follow up with thoughtful questions.
Remember that your body language sends a message and an open armed position or smile can help in creating a welcoming environment for others.
Letting go of distractions conveys the other person is worth your time and attention and helps to build a positive bond between you.
Questions:
How do you feel when someone sets aside time just to be with you or listen to you?
What are the relational benefits of giving someone your undivided attention?
Can you think of any relationships that you would like to deepen? How can practicing the habits of quality time help strengthen those?
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