Daddy Issues
“Daddy issues” is something we all know about but don’t really talk about. We use it as a way to explain someone’s (typically a woman’s) behavior towards men. You hear people warn others about her - “Oh, she’s got daddy issues. Be careful with that one.” Let’s talk about this part of someone’s, everyone’s, past.
Daddy issues is a term/phrase used when a girl/woman’s relationship with her dad negatively impacts her relationships with other men. Research shows that this pertains the most to relationships in which the father is either physically or emotionally absent/uninvolved with his daughter (Nielsen, 2021). The other side of this is a relationship that is too close. Due to this, the daughter may have a hard time with romantic relationships later in life (Field, 2021). She may be more likely to be jealous in a relationship, have a harder time trusting men, lack self confidence, use sex as a way to determine self worth, or need a lot of reassurance/attention/etc (Nielsen, 2021; Field, 2021).
The relationship we have with our parents has a significant outcome on who we are someday, how we behave, and who we gravitate towards. I want to normalize this for a moment, though, and say that we ALL have daddy issues. We all have these issues because we live in an imperfect world. None of us have a perfect father, and because our dads aren’t perfect, we all have daddy issues. Unfortunately, some people do have those extremes of a dad who was never there or was there too much or in the wrong ways.
I’ve talked to my dad about this. I had a present dad who tried to be intentional with his relationship with me, but he actually agreed about all of us having daddy issues. My DAD admitted that me and my three brothers probably have a couple issues. That doesn’t make him a bad dad, it just means he’s human.
What do we do with these daddy issues? Well the biggest part is to recognize it - can you name a couple insecurities or triggers you have now because of your relationship with your father? Maybe he prioritized work over you and now you get upset when your SO says he’s staying at work a little longer that week. Or maybe he was a helicopter dad and now that you’re out of the house, you’re living a different lifestyle than what is good for you, just to get some independence.
We recognize them and then we work on them so that those aren’t the issues we give our own kids someday. For that first example, talk to your SO and explain why you have this underlying issue with him working more - come to that understanding together. If you’re easily jealous because your dad only gave you attention sometimes, understand that you are worth someone’s time and attention. Understand your worth before you get into a relationship.
We all have daddy issues, and we should never avoid someone because of their past. If they can recognize what happened and work on being their best selves, what more can we ask of each other? Let’s not judge others for their dad.
References:
Nielsen, L. (2021). What are “daddy issues” and how can you recognize them in a partner? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fathers-daughters/202107/what-are-daddy-issues-and-how-can-you-recognize-them-in-partner.
Field, B. (2021). Is there real psychology behind daddy issues? Very Well Mind. Retrieved from https://www.verywellmind.com/is-there-real-psychology-behind-daddy-issues-5190477.
Challenges/Points:
We think that daddy issues only arise from a poor relationship with our fathers, but everyone has daddy issues because we live in an imperfect world.
If we look back to our childhood, we can recognize some ways that our dad may have failed (due to his own imperfection) that still affects us now.
Think about your current or previous romantic relationships and determine what insecurities you have/had that may go further back.
Questions:
Have you ever considered that everyone has daddy issues, not just a specific type of woman?
How do you think your dad may have impacted how you now act?
What can you do to work on being your best self despite what happened in your past?
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