Take an Extra 10 Seconds and Think
Early in my professional career, I had an employee that really messed up. He made a decision that was not only detrimental to the company but to himself as well. I can't even begin to describe how angry I was. I felt his insubordination was an affront to me, the company, and our customers. And I let him have it. I tore into him and tore him down for at least twenty minutes. Not my finest managerial moment. In fact, I was lucky that I didn't get fired. I failed to think and allowed my anger to control my behavior.
What do you do when you're upset with another person? It could be a co-worker, friend, boss, spouse, random person at Target--it doesn't matter. Are you more of a confrontational person or a non-confrontational person? Either way, I am willing to guess that you have said some pretty hurtful things to another person in your anger. Now, don't worry, I'm not judging. We have all done it. In some ways, it's the world we were brought into, and in other ways, it's how we are raised.
Some of us were raised to unleash a flurry of angry words no matter the consequences, so long as you apologize later. Others were raised to bottle the anger up. Don't say anything if you can't say anything nice. All the while, never really knowing that one day the bottle would burst. It's not wrong to be angry. But it is wrong to mistreat others in our anger.
Recently, my family and I were challenged with a better way to use our words. We remind ourselves to take an extra 10 seconds and think. That's all it takes--10 seconds--to breathe, get your head straight, and ask these seven essential questions.
Is what I am about to say…
True?
Helpful to the other person?
Does it build them up or tear them down?
Is it loving?
Is it kind?
Does it seek peace or intentionally create conflict?
Is it even necessary?
Seriously, those questions only take about 10 seconds to ask. An extra 10 seconds will save you hours of damage control in your relationships. As a young manager, I could have built up my team and built stronger relationships rather than tear them down.
Take a few minutes today and think about your relationships. I know it might hurt a little, but try to even think about those you have damaged. How would those relationships look today if you had that extra 10 seconds? While you might not be able to fix the past, you can undoubtedly change the future. We all want to feel loved, appreciated, and built up. Take the extra 10 seconds to give someone else that same gift.
Challenges/Points:
It might not be wrong to be angry, but we don't want to hurt others and our relationships in the process.
Ten seconds is all it really takes to consider how our words can affect another person.
Your words are more powerful than you might imagine; use them carefully.
Questions:
How has your anger or frustration impacted past relationships?
How can you intentionally speak to others so that you are building them up rather than tearing them down?
Who can you ask to help you and hold you accountable for taking an extra 10 seconds?
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