First Impressions
As you watch the man across the room walk toward you, without even thinking about it, you begin to come to conclusions about what type of person this may be. Some are easier to reach than others. His height, for example, age, general level of fitness, and degree of grooming or self care. A man who gives the impression that he never has a single hair out of place or wrinkle in his shirt is going to look completely different from a man who strikes you as creative and too busy to be bothered with shallow things like hairstyles or ironing. Thankfully, there’s a mutual friend on hand to introduce you, and within seconds of first setting eyes upon each other, you’re carrying on a conversation. This leads to even more insights. Does he speak quickly or slowly? Is he the type of person who picks words and topics that hint at his level of intelligence or does he seem to prefer casual conversation? Does he make eye contact and seem interested in you or bored and distracted?
It sounds like a lot because it is. First impressions happen at lightning speed without most of us being aware that they’re even happening (Baral, 2018). Sometimes we meet someone and immediately feel ourselves gravitate toward them. The opposite can be equally true. It’s possible to meet someone and dislike them on the spot. When asked why, we’d probably have a hard time putting our finger on the exact reason, but it could sound something like, “Well, it was hard to have a conversation with her. She talked the whole time.” Or, “I wasn’t comfortable with the way he looked at me.”
First impressions are powerful, and it’s important to remember that we’re always giving them ourselves too. With a little thoughtfulness and intention, the power of first impressions can be harnessed and used to your benefit (Baral, 2018). Here are a few ways to do that.
Put some thought into how you’re dressed. Whether we like it or not, how we look is the first thing that people will use to form ideas about us. Do you want to look professional and put together or cozy and artistic? Commanding or casual? An outfit can help you express either of those (Quy, 2021).
Show genuine interest in others. This might take practice for you, but come up with a short list of questions you can use in conversation to show others that you’d like to learn more about them. According to social psychologist Amy Cuddy, letting others talk first is one of the top ways to earn their confidence (Quy, 2020).
Give a firm, short handshake paired with a smile that says, “I’m really glad to meet you!” Handshakes are still a good way to assess someone’s confidence level. You don’t want it to be too limp or too strong, just right. Like goldilocks (Quy, 2020).
Pay attention to body language. Mirroring the body language of the person you are speaking to can put them at ease. For example, if they sit, it may be appropriate for you to sit as well. If they lean against a wall, feel free to also lean. And always remember to let yourself smile (Knight, 2016). Nothing wins people over like genuine joy!
References:
Baral, J. (2018). Neuroscience of first impressions. Frontiers Magazine. Retrieved from https://frontiersmag.wustl.edu/2018/12/21/neuroscience-of-first-impressions/.
Knight, R. (2016). How to make a great first impression. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved from https://hbr.org/2016/09/how-to-make-a-great-first-impression.
Quy, L. (2020). 8 killer ways to make a good first impression. Ladders. Retrieved from https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/8-killer-ways-to-make-a-good-first-impression.
Challenges/Points:
First impressions are a complicated recipe of “reading” other people’s visual and non-visual traits the first time that we meet them.
There are ways to help make a great first impression, some of those include smiling, asking questions, giving a firm handshake, and dressing thoughtfully.
First impressions aren’t always accurate, but most of the time, we can trust them.
Questions:
Have you ever considered what type of first impression you tend to make?
What’s one area you’d like to improve in when it comes to first impressions?
Have you met someone who made an incredible or terrible first impression? What about them contributed to that?
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