Grace Statements
“You gotta finish this last task. Why are you struggling right now? It’s 12am, but you haven’t done enough today.”
“How are you THIS behind?”
“Look at that grade. Obviously you should’ve studied some more.”
As an enneagram one, thoughts like the 3 above float through my head pretty consistently. I have this idea in my head that I have to be perfect. I have these (usually unrealistic) expectations in my head of who I should be, how hard I should work, etc. My to-do list for each day is a mile long, and I almost never get through all of it. This leaves me feeling incompetent and low sometimes. Why can’t I just do a little more? My inner critic talks louder than anyone I know.
Last year, my anxiety was through the roof, and I went to see a therapist. She was able to speak truth into my life based on just knowing about my enneagram number. During one of our first sessions, she brought up the idea of grace statements. We agreed that I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself regularly. “You would give others grace, but you don’t give it to yourself. You set these high standards for yourself, fall short sometimes, and then beat yourself up over it.” She asked me to think about what I would tell someone else who was in my shoes. I was tasked with taking a few index cards and thinking about what I need to tell myself when I start to get too hard on myself. Then, I need to keep them in places where I start to spiral (ex: my desk). I know, it sounds a little cheesy, but it works. I’ll give you a few of what I ended up writing down.
“You are doing all you can in this moment and that is all you can ask of yourself.”
“Your best is your best. Be okay with your best every day.”
When I could feel myself start to go down the pit of despair, when the inner critic started screaming at me, I looked at whichever statement I needed to hear, took a couple deep breaths, and repeated it to myself - the voice quieted. These grace statements gave me just a little bit of mental rest throughout my day. The lies I was telling myself were shut down so that the truth could come forth.
Oftentimes, we are quicker to lend grace to someone else than we are to ourselves. Why? Our relationship with ourselves is just as important as with others. We need to give that inner critic a nice, solid rest so that grace can move. What area in your life are you hardest on yourself? Are your work expectations too high? Do you get upset with yourself after interactions with friends? Think about where you need to lend yourself more grace. You’ll be surprised at how silencing that loud voice impacts your mental health.
Challenges/Points:
Sometimes, we lend others more grace than we lend ourselves. Our inner critic can scream at us.
Grace statements offer an opportunity to put that inner critic to rest so that grace can come forward.
Think about a particular area in your life that you’re hardest on yourself. Make 2-3 grace statements.
Questions:
In what area do you need to give yourself grace?
Does your inner critic scream loudly sometimes? How does it affect your mood?
Have you heard of grace statements before? Are you willing to try writing a few down?
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