Relationship Breakups
Breakups are just about inevitable. Romantic relationships are difficult to navigate at any point in life, and unfortunately, many of them don’t end well. Some of the most painful times in my life centered around losing that person closest to me, even if it was for the best. There are several stages you go through - denial, anger, sadness, maybe the crazies, regret, etc. Eventually, life starts to look up again - not everything you see reminds you of them, forgiveness happens, and you learn from the relationship. These relationships are often such an important part of your past. They’re going to affect you in the long-term.
Why do breakups affect you in the long run? What painful experience doesn’t? Dealing with pain forces you to grow in ways other experiences don’t. Let’s discuss the positive aspects of a breakup first.
From my breakups, I now have a clearer understanding of what I need in a significant other. I’ve actually changed my standards since my last relationship. They aren’t crazy high and impossible to meet, but I was in a few relationships that didn’t meet those standards and it didn’t go well. I’m not willing to go through that anymore. So, breakups show you what you really need or want.
They also teach you more on how to build, navigate, and maintain a relationship. Unfortunately, we tend to learn more from failure than success. After a breakup, you now have some more tools to use in the future.
Breakups can show you the importance of other support in your life. It is so easy to get wrapped up in another person when you’re dating and forget about friends or family that are always going to be there. I often hear “I had my priorities messed up while I was dating ___.” Breakups can show you how grateful you can be for others in your support system.
Now, past breakups can also have negative effects on your future. This is unfortunately more common than not.
Especially right away, insecurity spikes. Thoughts of what is wrong with you, will I ever find someone again, etc. become common. If you let them, these insecurities can cloud your perspective for a long time, even into your next relationship.
The breakups may create an assumption for how relationships always look. If you’ve had several breakups, this can become discouraging and cause you to lose hope about the future.
You may be overly cautious or hesitant about future relationships. If you’ve been burned badly in the past, it can be hard to trust someone new. This can be an issue as you desire someone new but don't know how to let them in.
Long-term effects of breakups are inevitable. However, we do have some say in whether these are positive or negative effects. If you notice that you are dealing with some negative effects, what can you do to help change that? Can you talk to a friend, therapist, relative? What mind renewal techniques could help? It may be easier said than done, but don’t allow those past burns to cloud you forever.
Challenges/Points:
Breakups affect you in the long-term, whether it be in a negative or positive way.
Some positive effects of breakups involve learning how to navigate future relationships and understanding what you need. Negative effects involve insecurities and clouding perspective on future relationships.
Evaluate how previous relationships are still affecting you. Decide if it’s healthy or unhealthy.
Questions:
Have you gone through a breakup in the past three years?
Do you think that past breakup has negatively or positively affected you to this day?
How could you shift your perspective to view that breakup in a positive light?
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