Mixed Gender Friendships
Moana and Maui.
Harry Potter and Hermoine Granger.
Mary Lennox and Dickon Sowerby.
Willow Rosenberg and Xander Harris.
Josephine March and Theodore Laurence.
Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio.
Okay, so that last couple I mentioned aren’t fictional characters but each of these power duos still have something in common. They’re part of a close, mixed gender friendship without romance being part of it. (If you’re familiar with the story of “Little Women,” you could make the argument that Jo and Laurie come close to romance but thankfully in the end, we are gifted with the story of their lasting friendship instead).
There’s a strange and rarely spoken of dynamic in our culture that often questions the validity of mixed gender relationships. As one journalist put it, it’s as if, “they cast us as romantic time bombs, rather than people who simply care about each other and enjoy spending time together” (Gerson, 2020).
As children, we would never consider it strange for boys to play alongside girls or vice versa but somehow, that understanding can shift when we come into adulthood. Some people believe men and women can’t be friends without attraction or romance becoming a part of the mix. I’d say, it depends. It depends on you and it depends on the other person but to assume that’s always the case sets a dangerous precedent. Like any friendship, a mixed gender friendship will only be as healthy as the two individuals in it.
Few adults would suggest that it’s a good thing for all of your friends to look just like you and I’d argue that extends to gender as well. We do ourselves a deep disservice when we rule out an entire group of people as potential friends because they can’t join in on girls night out or hang with us in the man cave. Building friendships with those of the opposite gender actually teaches us to see them as complex, unique human beings instead of just a potential date. Having a close friend whose gender doesn’t match yours also has the added benefit of letting you explore different aspects of your personality that you might not tap into otherwise.
The fact is, relationships are complex and fluid. Attraction might have been part of a friendship in the past, but that doesn’t mean it’s necessarily there today. And a friendship that starts without attraction could end up containing it down the road. We can’t control other people so there’s no way to predict that. All we can do is be the best type of friend possible and look for men or women who can be that as well.
Reference: Gerson, S. (2020). Why men need women friends. Medium. Retrieved from https://medium.com/hello-love/why-men-need-women-friends-60f690535c56
Challenges/Points:
Boys and girls or men and women can be good friends without any romance.
Any friendship, no matter who it’s between, is only as healthy as the individuals in it.
Having mixed gender friends teaches us to value individuals apart from their gender.
Questions:
Do you have any mixed gender friendships?
How would you feel about having a friend of a different gender?
What is one change you can make this week in the way you relate to the opposite gender?
To talk more about this or something else on your mind text the number 494949 to chat with our team or visit RemedyLIVE.com/chat anytime, day or night.
Did someone send you this post, and you want to subscribe to our free self care guide? Text CARE to 494949 to receive daily posts.
