Open Letter to a Bully
Dear Bully,
I shouldn’t start this letter like that because you and I both know that isn’t your name. Even if this is something you do that tends to tick a lot of people off (or make them feel very sad), it isn’t your identity. It’s choices you’ve made, not who you are. Why do we always talk about this like when you do it, that’s it? Like that’s how people will know you and remember you forever? As a bully.
We don’t talk about anyone else and their issues this way. We don’t usually say, “She’s a liar,” or “He’s bulimic.” Instead we say, “She lies a lot” or “He has bulimia.” We take the time to separate the person from the action. But that’s not the case for you is it? Maybe it has something to do with how clearly we can see the way you hurt others and that makes it easy for us to forget that you’re hurt too. I don’t know. What I do know is that it isn’t okay. I’m sorry that we’ve used your bad choices in place of your identity for so long. I’m sorry that we’ve let it keep us from seeing you. From really seeing you.
You weren’t always like this.
Something happened.
What was it? Can you remember?
Sometimes when we’re treated a certain way for so long, it seems like second nature to us to treat others the same way. As easy as breathing. Is that your story? Or did the feelings about something in you build? Build and build to a point where you needed to do something, anything to cope with them and that other kid, well she was just asking for it.
How do you feel after you’ve chosen to pick on someone? Does making fun of them really make you feel good inside? I have a suspicion that it doesn’t. Oh sure, it makes you feel powerful for a minute, but since we’re being completely honest here, you and I both know that never lasts.
Okay, this next part might be hard for you to hear.
Stick with me?
You can do it. I believe in you.
When we’re healthy, we recognize most differences in others as a good thing, as part of what makes us as individuals and a group more interesting and diverse. When we aren’t healthy, we attack what is different. There are probably a thousand different things that can drive us to do this but it’s true. It’s always true.
I’m going to ask you to do something hard now because I believe you can do hard things.
The next time you want to make fun of somebody, stop for just a second and try to figure out what you felt or thought right before you wanted to do that. Were you mad? Scared? Jealous? Sad? Just identify the feeling and then, if you really want to go one layer deeper, ask yourself why you felt that way.
I know you aren’t a bully, you just choose to bully sometimes, and you are still worthy of love, even when you do. Remember that!
In Your Corner,
RemedyLIVE
Reference: Why do some people bully? (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.youthoria.org/home/life/1235645546.794/1239707670.182/.
Challenges/Points:
Our choices are not the same thing as our identity, and they can not affect our inherent value.
If you have been bullying or picking on others, it’s probably how you are reacting to something in your life.
Bullying is a behavior, not an identity, and you can change it if you want to.
Questions:
Have you been called a bully before?
Do you make fun of others in a way that embarrasses them?
Did reading this letter change the way you think about yourself or someone else you know who has bullied others?
To talk more about this or something else on your mind text the number 494949 to chat with our team or visit RemedyLIVE.com/chat anytime, day or night.
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