Let's be honest; 2020 was not the year we wished for. In fact, it's not even a year worthy of a do-over. I would much prefer to forget it ever happened. But if there was anything good, it was that I learned where to put my focus--on the things I actually do have control over. 

Fact: Nothing feels awful the way that doing something that betrays yourself does. I can remember in vivid detail moments from my childhood when family members would turn their focus on me, throw their arms wide, and in front of everybody say, “Come here and give me a hug!” And I did. Even if I didn’t want to. Even if everything in me was saying, “No.” I still did. As a child, I hadn’t been taught yet that there are moments where it’s far more important to disappoint another person than it is yourself. Instead, I was taught, like many of us are, not to make a scene or “disrespect” adults so I didn’t. I betrayed myself instead. It wasn’t until my teen years that I learned the importance of listening to that still, small voice inside and that there was a way to tell the truth and still be respectful.

One difficult to identify form of verbal abuse is when someone makes public jokes about you at your expense. The feelings you could experience as a result of this are shame, humiliation, anger, and confusion. Humor is an effective mask should anyone choose to confront the inconsiderate behavior. They can always respond with, “I’m just kidding. Don’t take it so seriously.” Don’t let such a response fool you. Anyone who responds like this simply doesn’t want to be held accountable for the hurt that their words caused. A person who truly cares about you and knows how to love in a healthy way will always listen when you need to talk about something they said or did that hurt you. They’ll believe you. They don’t want to hurt you. A person engaged in verbal abuse on the other hand will often attempt to convince you that you’re wrong and that what they said wasn’t actually that bad (Gordon, 2022).

Because verbal abuse doesn’t leave any visible wounds or bruises, it can be easy to overlook or convince ourselves that it isn’t so bad. But it is. Some of the long term effects of verbal abuse include chronic stress, low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, PTSD, social isolation, and substance use (Gordon, 2022). If you think you might be experiencing verbal abuse from someone in your life, please reach out and talk about it. No one deserves to be verbally abused. Ever.

We all have that one spot that seems to be the collection point for clutter. It seems to be a universal rule: clutter begets clutter. Once one thing is set down, other items seem to land there and accumulate. 

If you're feeling the anxiety start to creep up because of some cluttered area that is taking over your space, giving yourself 10 minutes to tackle some of the clutter can be a physical way you can address your anxiety. You don’t have to do a massive overhaul of your space to feel the releasing effects of decluttering. The following are a few small spaces that you can address that can be done quickly or in small increments, but feel like they leave a big impact.

Therapists generally agree that to hold space for someone means to be completely present for someone, putting your focus on them to support them while they feel their emotions. There is no emphasis on problem solving or “fixing” in holding space. It is more about “being with” than anything else. If you’ve ever experienced good therapy, then you’ll know the value that can be found in having a safe space where you feel comfortable communicating whatever it is that you need, think, or feel. That space is created and “held” by someone, usually the therapist. But this is also an important skill for friends, parents, caretakers, medical professionals, and many others to learn.

Have you ever been in the middle of your own crisis when someone tried to lean on you for support or looked to you for their own guidance and emotional balance? If you’ve experienced this, then you know what the usual response is: a wide eyed, blank stare that essentially says: What?!? I can’t help you right now! I’m barely capable of helping myself! This is a far more common situation than you might imagine. For many, hardship and trials lead them to lean on anyone who happens to be close enough to grab, even if that person is up to their neck in their own problems. When this happens within families, it can lead to really explosive interactions!