Circle of Support
Have you ever been in the middle of your own crisis when someone tried to lean on you for support or looked to you for their own guidance and emotional balance? If you’ve experienced this, then you know what the usual response is: a wide eyed, blank stare that essentially says: What?!? I can’t help you right now! I’m barely capable of helping myself! This is a far more common situation than you might imagine. For many, hardship and trials lead them to lean on anyone who happens to be close enough to grab, even if that person is up to their neck in their own problems. When this happens within families, it can lead to really explosive interactions!
There is one tool that can help prevent these sorts of miscalculated aims at propping ourselves up. It’s called “the circle of support,” and it’s a concept that was taught to me as part of my training to be a hospice volunteer. Imagine a small circle drawn on a piece of paper with a solid dot placed at the center of that circle. The dot represents you, the person going through or dealing with whatever the crisis may be.
Draw several, smaller dots at various places inside that circle. These dots represent the people who are in your inner circle. Your tribe, if you will. They are the first people you want to talk to when something wonderful happens, and they’re the first people you text when bad news unexpectedly shows its face.
Now draw another, slightly larger circle around the first one and place several dots within the boundaries created by the first circle and the second. This ring represents any individuals who are close to you but not in your inner circle. This will likely be most of your family members and friends. Do the same thing again with one last, larger circle and add dots there as well. These will represent acquaintances and community members you know but aren’t close to at all. You should have three layers of dots at this point. You can write names next to some of the dots to remind yourself which type of person they stand for (if that helps). Remember that no one gets automatic access to any layer of the circle simply by how they are related to you.
Here’s how the circle works: each layer’s job is to pour into you, the person closest to the center of the crisis, and any support they need should come from the next layer out, farther away from the center. The short and sweet version of this is “Support In, Dump Out”. The trouble comes whenever we look for support to come from a person closer to the center of the circle. That isn’t their job at a time like that and one of the best ways we can support them is to look for our own support elsewhere. This is why family members going through something traumatic shouldn’t expect to lean on each other. They’ve each fallen down (in their own way) and are going to need a team dedicated to helping them get through.
Consider who is in your circle of support so that you know who you can turn to next time you are struggling.
Reference: Davis, K. (2005). Creating a circle of support. Indiana Institute on Disability and Community. Retrieved from https://www.iidc.indiana.edu/irca/articles/creating-a-circle-of-support.html.
Challenges/Points:
The circle of support is a mapping tool that helps us see how support should work in relationships at a time of crisis or hardship.
There are multiple rings or layers of community in each person’s life, gradually growing more distant. No one has an automatic right to be in a certain layer. Presence there should always be earned.
The short and sweet idea behind the map is “Support In, Dump Out.”
Questions:
Have you heard of the circle of support before? Does it make sense to you?
Who are the individuals whose names would be in your inner circle? How about the next circle?
Have you ever looked to someone for support who you now realize you probably should have been supporting instead?
To talk more about this or something else on your mind text the number 494949 to chat with our team or visit RemedyLIVE.com/chat anytime, day or night.
Did someone send you this post, and you want to subscribe to our free self care guide? Text CARE to 494949 to receive daily posts.
