Moving Away
From her bed, Alexandra stared at the boxes her grandmother had left stacked in the corner of her room. No, stared wouldn’t be the right word for it. She glared. If she could have lit them all on fire with the loathing in her gaze, she would have. This was the weekend they were supposed to be packing so the whole family could move for her mom’s new job. In a new city. Which meant a new school and new friends and new everything. And Alexandra was not happy about it. This was the last thing she wanted to do and yet, as she sat on her bed sulking, she knew it would happen anyway. Some things are just out of your control.
Have you ever experienced a move you didn’t want to make? I can vividly remember the day that my mother moved my two sisters and I out of our cozy, familiar home into a little apartment nearby. It was a major downsize, and I’m not sure who did the packing but I know it wasn’t me. There were loads of things from my bedroom that never made it over to that apartment. A word processor that I wrote all of my first stories on when I decided that I wanted to be a writer. A big painting of a rose that hung on my wall. My pet rabbit for goodness sake! (My Dad later admitted that in the chaos of he and my mother splitting, he hadn’t known what to do and had set my poor rabbit loose in a nearby park).
On the one hand, it was just stuff right? A house is just a house. A painting is just a painting. But we give those things meaning by the love, time, and memories we pour into them. Moving may not always mean losing possessions like I did, but it does usually mean a major shift in what your daily community looks like.
It’s important to recognize that you may need to grieve a move and that’s perfectly okay. Your family may not understand this (in fact, they may find your feelings of sadness or frustration frustrating to deal with) but that’s okay. You can still have them. You also probably have the added effect of feeling powerless over the situation (Mae, 2018). Your caregivers may share similar feelings, but at the end of the day, adults do tend to have more control over things that play into these situations.
Homesickness is real, and it doesn’t come with a timeline. Eventually, it is healthy and good to try to make new connections, but let that unfold naturally. Don’t force it. When you get to your new space, tape up photos of friends or your old home as a way to comfort yourself while you settle in. Schedule weekly or daily phone calls with people from back home. Take your time (Mueller, 2018). Moving can be hard. Really hard. The more grace you have for yourself and your family, the better.
References:
Mae, K. (2018). How to move when you don’t want too. Medium. Retrieved from https://medium.com/@katiemaeonline/how-to-move-when-you-dont-want-too-228bacb2385d.
Mueller, L. (2018). How to deal with homesickness after moving. Moving.com. Retrieved from https://www.moving.com/tips/how-to-deal-homesickness-after-moving.
Challenges/Points:
Moving can stir up big feelings in us and that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel however you do about a move: sad, angry, depressed, lonely, frustrated, confused, whatever.
Give yourself the space you need to grieve the move. Let it take it’s time.
Support yourself by putting up photos of your old home, friends, or school and by asking family members or friends if you can talk regularly after you’ve moved.
Questions:
Have you ever made a big move that you didn’t want to?
Do you feel like your family makes space for your feelings when they aren’t bright and cheery?
If you ever have a friend or family member move away, what’s one thing you could do to support them through it?
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