Imperfectly Real
“So if my beauty starts to fade
Well, I've been held in a thousand ways
And if my heart looks broken in
Then I've been brave enough to live
If perfect turns to perfect mess
And all your love is all that's left
Then I'm as real as real can be
Call me Velveteen”
- “Velveteen” by Christa Wells
Have you ever heard a song that your heart immediately connected to? Maybe it reminded you of a certain person or something hard you’ve lived through. The first time I heard Christa Well’s “Velveteen,” my eyes pricked with those tears that tell you there’s something special in the words.
Wells based her song on the story of The Velveteen Rabbit and it contains a message I hold incredibly dear. Written by Marjorie Williams in 1922, The Velveteen Rabbit tells the tale of a stuffed animal who longs to become real through the love of the child who keeps him, but the more the boy plays with the stuffed rabbit--the more he loves it--the more shabby and worn the rabbit becomes. I won’t spoil the story for you except to share this quote.
“Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
The message at the center of this children’s tale is that true beauty isn’t makeup tutorials or stylish outfits or manicured nails. True beauty is a well worn path. It’s weathered with wrinkles and scars from the past that tell a story. There’s no filter for true beauty. No shortcut. In other words, it isn’t perfect.
In her book, “The Gift of Imperfection”, Brené Brown writes that “Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving to be your best. Perfectionism is the belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgement, and shame. It’s a shield. It’s a twenty-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from flight.”
You and I both live under more pressure to be perfect than is healthy for any human. It’s vital that we tune those messages out and tune in to love instead, to letting our true selves be seen by those with whom we are safe, flaws and all. We’ve had the equation all wrong. Belonging doesn’t happen when we do everything right to fit in. Belonging happens when we drop the shield of perfectionism and find ourselves loved anyway.
Challenges/Points:
Perfectionism aims for something that isn’t real and it keeps us from being able to fly (metaphorically speaking).
When we let people see our imperfections we are on the path to true beauty.
Not everyone has earned the right to your most vulnerable stories so share them with those who have.
Questions:
Is perfection something you tend to aim for?
How does it feel to think about telling someone your embarrassing, uncool, full truth?
How have you defined true beauty up to this point?
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