Two months ago I wrote a letter. I wrote it exactly as I would have from my deathbed... except that I wasn't on my deathbed and that was the entire point. Movies really love to dramatize those end-of-life-bucket-list-final-hurrah moments but the truth is that if I really was on my deathbed I'd probably be so exhausted and busy with the work of ACTUALLY dying that writing such a letter would be ten times harder, if not impossible. So, better to do it now.

I once had someone compare the past to a car’s rearview mirror. They said, “You can’t drive forward while looking in the rearview mirror the entire time. The rearview mirror is important. You need to check what’s behind you, but you can only drive safely forward by looking through the windshield.”

“Run. Run away and never return.” -Scar, The Lion King

As a child, my siblings and I loved watching The Lion King. Yes, we had a crush on Simba. It’s entirely possible to have a crush on an animated lion at that age. But I remember watching the scene where Scar tells his nephew cub to run away and always being confused by it. 

Do you ever have recurring dreams? You wake up in the middle of the night or the early hours of the morning and remember distinctly what happened in the dream and then you say, oh I have had this dream before, multiple times actually. This happens to me all the time. One dream in particular that I have been having recently is getting locked out of my locker from high school. Now I should tell you that I have already been out of high school for over 10 years, so why does this dream keep coming up and why am I gripped with such terror when I am in the middle of this dream?

Inwardly, I cringed every time someone introduced me as the “shy” girl. I hated that label so much, but didn’t know how I could overcome it. I couldn’t think quickly enough for a good comeback or randomly pull up extroverted skills that I didn’t have, so I felt like I had to cave to the pressure of what many thought of me. I went along with the part I felt like everyone expected me to play, except for when I was with my close friends or family. Only those who knew me well saw me for what I felt was a much better representation of who I really was. With them I was goofy, friendly, talkative, and always trying to think deeply about life.

The past is the past! But how much we let the past affect us is the question! Every incident in our lives leaves a mark on us—emotionally, physically, mentally. How deep the mark depends on the problem. Job loss. Family loss. Financial loss. Loss of health. Notice that I said “loss” in each of these cases.  Whatever the cause, the result can be the same—grief or even depression. Grief is sadness; however, depression is much heavier.

Did you catch “The Iron Giant”? Me neither! This 1999 film was released without any marketing budget at all, but it’s become an animated classic that’s recognized by thousands for its quality animation, compelling storyline, and moving theme. So what makes it great? The core idea: What if a gun didn’t want to be a gun? I won’t give you any spoilers, but the story follows a giant robot who has crash landed on earth and seems equipped to cause lots of destruction. But he’s discovered and hidden by a young boy who teaches him about souls and comics, and that in life, we get to choose who we want to be.

I think each of us could likely use a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past at some point in our lives. Life is hard and complicated. It surely challenges each of us in ways we never could have dreamed. But rather than waste wishful thinking on a visit from a fictional character, we can examine our own lives, our choices, and be brave enough to see where they’ve led us. Then we have the choice, and the power, to change course if we want to. No ghosts required.