Attraction
We all know the scene. A certain person in a crowd catches another certain person’s eye. They glance at each other nervously, move around on the fringes, and finally come together to talk. Or a person gets on a bus, scans the available seat choices, and asks to sit next to a specific person. What is it that’s drawing these two individuals together out of everyone they could have chosen from? Attraction.
Attraction is something that affects us all. Understanding it can help us untangle why we might get those butterfly feelings when a certain person walks by or why we suddenly realize we’re thinking about someone much more than we used to. There are numerous reasons why you might find yourself attracted to someone. We’ll go over the most common ones here.
Proximity. It’s just a fact that the more time you spend around someone, the more chances you have to get to know them and develop a relationship. We tend to be attracted to people we see regularly and have opportunities of interacting with. The more frequently you’re around someone, the higher the chances are that an attraction could develop.
Similarities. Although it can be true that opposites attract, what’s just as true is that we tend to be drawn toward people we have big things in common with. When you get to know somebody, the more overlap you find that you share with them and the easier it is to feel attracted to them.
Appearance. We’re biologically wired to be attracted to people who appear healthy and strong so that any children we might have would also be healthy and strong. This is why some men and women spend so much time worrying about how they look. They want to maximize that initial, visual attraction.
Kindness/Personality. When we see someone taking the time to help another person or picking up the trash that was blowing around on the sidewalk, that act tells us something about them as a human being and what they value. Personality is a huge part of attraction as we want to feel emotionally safe with those we are close to.
Laughter. When someone regularly makes us laugh, we experience a decrease in stress hormones and an increase in health enhancing hormones like endorphins. When we laugh with someone, we immediately feel included and that is a very good feeling that can easily lead to attraction!
Don’t worry if you realize that you’re attracted to a mix of different types of people. That’s okay! There’s probably a good reason for each and every one of those. Part of it is figuring out why we are each attracted to certain individuals and then what, if anything, we want to do about it!
Challenges/Points:
Attraction can begin for any number of reasons including proximity, personality, appearance, or having a lot in common.
When you realize that you’re attracted to someone, see if you can figure out what it is about them that attracted you.
It’s normal to experience attraction to more than one person at a time. Attraction is just a response that says we find something about that person appealing.
Questions:
Does the idea of attraction make you uncomfortable?
Is there a certain trait that you find consistently attractive in others?
Do you tend to keep your attractions secret or share them with others?
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