True Talk Part 1: Communication
Part 1 of 5 in the True Talk Series
Ten years ago, I received some good relationship advice that I still apply to my friendships and marriage today. I call it “The 5.” Five topics to discuss with someone you are in a relationship with that will help you both remain honest and keep things healthy between you. These five topics are to be discussed regularly - such as weekly or monthly - and are a tool in which to improve things in the relationship. This is the time for both parties to be completely honest, open, and not hold back about how they are feeling. It’s time and topics specifically to promote honesty and to improve things between two people.
Let me be clear, The 5 can work in any sort of relationship. We’re going to look at 3 examples today, starting with topic #1 - Communication.
Communication is one of the most important aspects of human interaction. There are different types such as verbal, non-verbal, and written communication. When you’re in a relationship with someone, it’s important to know if you’re communicating enough, too much, clearly, and with what sort of tone.
Example Roommates: Details are important to share when living with a roommate. Two separate lives are playing out under the same room and in shared spaces. This is your chance to make sure the two (or more) of you are still on the same page. Was it clearly communicated when one of you was having guests over? Did you speak openly this week about any frustrations that arose over chores, house cleanliness, or noise?
Example Dating: It’s easy to get “hung up” on the person you’re dating. This is a great chance to ask one another if you’re over-communicating. Do you text into the late hours of the night and it’s affecting school or work? Are the conversations you’re having substantial, helping you learn more about one another and providing depth, or are they skimming the surface? Are you both remaining kind to one another in how you speak?
Example Partner/Marriage: In this case, it’s two people living their lives together, semi-independently, and under the same roof. You may have your own jobs and activities, but your lives are still intertwined. Ask one another if you have been speaking kindly to each other and about one another when apart. Has there been communication that’s felt nagging? Why and how can that be changed? Oftentimes, communicating schedules can be a stumbling block. Have you both been transparent with what you have going on each week and when you will have time to be together? If you’ve had arguments recently, what was at the root of that anger or frustration?
Discussing how well you communicated with one another opens a door for transparency and correction, in the best sense. Both people need to enter this time and topic with an open mind on how they can improve, not just how to fix someone else. This is an opportunity for growth and constructive criticism so that the relationship can take a step in a healthy direction.
For other posts in this series, search “True Talk” on the 365 page!
Challenges/Points:
Communication can be hard and messy, but it is necessary to thrive in relationships.
Communicating about your communication is HUGE in building a healthier relationship. Set aside time each week or once a month to do it.
Accepting criticism can be difficult. What are 3 things you can do to have a positive attitude when it comes time to talk through The 5?
Questions:
How often do you and someone important in your life take time to stop what you're doing and discuss how well you’ve been communicating? Is this something you wish you could do? What’s holding you back?
If you don’t often discuss this in your relationship, sit down and write a letter or email to your other person about why you think this could be useful for your relationship. Invite them out for coffee to specifically discuss this.
It’s easy to build a list of what someone else can fix, but what are 2-4 areas of communication that you believe you could improve on? Make a list prior to your talk, and see if they match up to the feedback your other person has for you.
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