True Talk Part 2: Money
Part 2 of 5 in the True Talk Series
Years ago, I received good relationship advice that I still apply to my friendships and marriage today. I call it “The 5.” Five topics to discuss with someone you are in a relationship with that will help you both remain honest and keep things healthy between you. These five topics are to be discussed regularly - such as weekly or monthly - and are a tool in which to improve things in the relationship. This is the time for both parties to be completely honest, open, and not hold back about how they are feeling. It’s time and topics specifically to promote honesty and to improve things between two people.
Let me be clear, The 5 can work in any sort of relationship. We’re going to look at 3 examples, continuing with topic #2 - Money.
Ooo yes, kicking things right into gear with one of the hardest conversations. Money is one of the top five causes for divorce in America today. Many arguments and issues in relationships stem from finances and can lead to nasty fights or bouts of silence. Let’s be honest, it can be awkward to discuss finances. Many people feel like they’ve failed for how they’ve handled their money or because they don’t feel they make enough money. Talking about money regularly, however, is so very important for every relationship.
Example Roommates: Yes, even roommates need to talk about money. Is everyone paying their share of living expenses? Has it been on time? Be sure to discuss any upcoming expenses that may affect everyone living together. Not talking about finances or harboring hostilities will hurt everyone in the living situation in the end.
Example Dating: You may not share finances while dating, but there are other things to discuss and make sure you are clear on. What are the expectations when it comes to paying for dates? Even if you decide to split the costs of dinner or an outing, it’s important to discuss how much each of you can afford to determine how often you can go out. Don’t be embarrassed to say you need to find free activities or more financially responsible options.
Example Partner/Marriage: As previously stated, this is a major element in any serious relationship or marriage. More so when your finances are combined. Establish whether or not you want to live off a budget. Discuss financial goals and savings. Each week/month discuss how you’ve done with spending and budget. Talk out any frustrations you’ve had but be clear on why and be open-minded with one another. In my relationships, there’s a frugal spender and an extravagant spender. You’ll consistently have to work on finding that middle ground.
Discussing finances is pivotal for any relationship. If you are looking to combine finances or share in financial burdens, be open and honest with your preferences for handling money but be willing to negotiate to find middle ground so you and your other person can be flexible together.
For other posts in this series, search “True Talk” on the 365 page!
Challenges/Points:
Talking about money can be uncomfortable and awkward. That’s okay.
When starting a relationship, it’s important to set boundaries and expectations regarding finances.
Do you feel like you have a healthy financial relationship with the significant others in your life? Think about what ways you might be different in how you spend and save as well as ways you might be similar in your goals.
Questions:
If you already have regular conversations about finances, great job! If you don’t but want to, think of 3 ways to approach the topic in a positive way such as shared goals or dreams.
Are you more frugal or excessive in your spending? How does this differ from the person you share financial responsibility with?
When sharing money and responsibility, everyone has to find middle ground eventually. Write a list of a few ways in your life/budget that you could be more flexible and willing to negotiate.
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