True Talk Part 4: Spiritual

Part 4 of 5 in the True Talk Series

A few years back, I received good relationship advice that I still apply to my friendships and marriage today. I call it “The 5.” Five topics to discuss with someone you are in a relationship with that will help you both remain honest and keep things healthy between you. These five topics are to be discussed regularly - such as weekly or monthly - and are a tool in which to improve things in the relationship. This is the time for both parties to be completely honest, open, and not hold back about how they are feeling. It’s time and topics specifically to promote honesty and to improve things between two people.

Let me be clear, The 5 can work in any sort of relationship. As we look at topic #4 (spiritual) today, I’ll be providing 3 different relationship examples as well. 

The word “spiritual” really refers to religious and spiritual life. In the context of relationships, it means talking about your religious beliefs and how they relate to the important people in your life. You may not share the same beliefs, or perhaps you do, but the depth of your regular practice varies. These conversations are important as most religions are more than surface deep in people’s lives.

Example Roommates: Your religious practices may not affect your roommate greatly, but it’s still good to chat periodically to see if there’s anything you should be open about. If you fast, have a time of prayer, or need a period of silence, these are important to communicate in advance with those you live with. Also, be open to what needs they may have to make sure you are not interfering with their religious practices. 

Example Dating: This is definitely something you should discuss at least once with the person you are dating, especially if you are hoping for the relationship to grow more serious and continue into the future. Each person should share their religious beliefs, how it impacts their day-to-day life, and what they hope for from a future partner in regards to the topic. 

Example Partner/Marriage: When you’re at this level in a relationship, it’s important to discuss your spiritual life regularly with your significant other. Share with each other your individual journeys, and talk together about where you are as a couple in your spiritual walk. Do you both feel comfortable with the amount of attendance at religious gatherings? Have you both been living according to the convictions of your faith? Use this time to be open and gracious with one another as you share triumphs and struggles regarding your faith.

Speaking about religious practices can be difficult for some, especially if two people share differing beliefs. However, if you are sharing part of your life with another person, it is important that this topic is discussed. Certain practices such as attending church, having devoted time in prayer, and even abstaining from explicit language can affect those you have relationships with, which is why it’s important to discuss the topic so that the two of you can have a better understanding.

For other posts in this series, search “True Talk” on the 365 page!

Challenges/Points:

• Not everyone shares the same religious beliefs. If they do, they do not always share the same practices. 

• Creating a baseline of understanding and expectations through a conversation about religion is important for all types of relationships. 

• Ask yourself if you’ve shied away from discussing religious beliefs with important people in your life. If so, how do you think that’s affected your overall relationship with that person?

Questions:

• Would you consider yourself a religious person?

  • Do you feel comfortable talking about religion and how your beliefs affect your day-to-day life with others? Why or why not?

  • For those that may not feel particularly religious or identify with no religion, are you open to having these discussions with the important people in your life? Why or why not?

• For those who are avid participants of their faith, how does this affect those around you?

• If you fast, pray, attend a church/gathering, abstain from things, etc., do you have a desire for your significant other to practice this with you? Have you discussed this?

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