Seasons of Friendship
Nature provides us with indicators that the seasons are about to change. One day you look outside and the leaves have started to change colors, the next day, you feel the nip in the air or see frost on the ground. Have you ever noticed subtle changes in the relationships around you? Sometimes they may also be indicators that your friendship is heading for a new season as well.
I had a good friend a few years back, and we got along so well. We had so much in common. We enjoyed the same kinds of books, movies, and music. Our families attended the same church, and we were in many of the same activities together. We saw each other on a regular basis and kept in constant communication even when we were apart. This was the spring season for our friendship, full of life and new, exciting growth. During those days, I would have never imagined anything could pull us apart.
A couple of things started changing over time, and we both shrugged them off as no big deal. We didn’t see each other quite as much as we used to and began pursuing paths that took us our own separate ways. However, we were still getting together and showing up for the big, important stuff in each other’s lives, so on the outside, all looked well and we carried on as if everything was normal. We didn’t even realize we were in a new season of friendship, a figurative summer had crept into our lives.
The autumn season of our friendship followed and left more lasting impressions on each of us, there was no denying that things were different. Our choices in life had left some obvious gaps, and the closeness we had experienced in the spring was replaced with something that felt much more surface level than deep. We had conversations and attempted to mend some of these rough patches, but at the end of it all, we found ourselves at an impasse and we were unable to move forward.
That led us into winter. There was some grief to deal with in getting to this point. It is hard watching a once close friendship essentially die and be changed into something unrecognizable. Establishing new boundaries, stopping communication patterns, and wondering if there is anyone else out there with whom you can experience a healthy relationship takes a lot of reflection, processing, and bravery. If you aren’t careful, you can get stuck in winter, and freeze in self-pity, and feel that you don’t have what it takes to try again.
But, just as in nature’s winter, sometimes the letting go of the decay can actually cause the ground to be fertile and ready for new growth. Not every friendship will go through all of these seasons, but if you do experience this, know that it is a normal part of life and new opportunities will arise to those who keep their hearts open and are willing to try once again.
Challenges/Points:
Sometimes friendships or relationships go through changes like the seasons or habits in our lives. This is natural and not always a bad thing.
If you are both open to discussing the changes, you will get a better idea of how you can either deepen the relationship or understand if it is time to let it go.
Letting a friendship go can feel like a big loss at times and you may experience varying amounts of grief. You may need to process this with another trusted friend or counselor.
Questions:
Have you ever noticed any changes in the closeness of certain relationships and taken the time to process through what might be happening or why?
What factors do you think contributes to the closeness of your friendships?
If it seems like it is time to walk away from a certain friendship, how can you protect your heart in the process so you stay open to letting new relationships in?
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