Sex: A Sacred Connection
“The decision to kiss for the first time is the most crucial in any love story. It changes the relationship of two people much more strongly than even the final surrender because this kiss already has within it that surrender.” - Emil Ludwig
Sex.
Just three letters, s-e-x, and yet that one little word packs an explosion of thoughts, feelings, memories, and beliefs. It’s a loaded word that we would do well to redefine. Your immediate reaction to it probably carries either an undercurrent of embarrassment or intrigue, possibly both. Many of us are taught to connect sex with shame and have learned to relate to it as something dirty or bad, but there is often a natural curiosity that persists. And although many of us equate sex with the act of intercourse, the truth is that sex is so much more than that.
If we want to have a real conversation about sex, then that includes talking about our minds and what we imagine or fantasize about doing with others long before any actual verbal or physical contact is made. It also includes flirting (yep, flirting is definitely part of sex) and how we value our bodies and the bodies of others. In other words, we can’t have a real conversation about sex without another “S” word being a part of it.
Sacred.
Author Julie Platt writes, “Why is sex the most coveted experience in modern-day culture? Because we seek this connection with the divine. Because it allows us to transcend ourselves in a way no other experience does. We know there is the potential for sex to be transformational and life-changing.” She defines the ultimate goal of sex as communion with the soul, something that’s far deeper than what the casual hook-up culture is selling.
In this vein, Lauren Winner, the author of the book “Real Sex” says, “Casual sex is a contradiction of terms. Sex - even sex that does not feel intense or meaningful, even sex with someone you don’t love - is never truly casual. Even during misordered, misplaced sex - the tipsy cavorting of hormone drunk teenagers, say - something real happens.”
In the film “Vanilla Sky”, there’s a scene where Tom Cruise’s character is confronted by a woman he slept with but has since lost interest in. She says, “Don’t you know that when you sleep with someone your body makes a promise whether you do or not?” Yes, her character may be crazy but she’s also absolutely right.
Sex. Means. Something.
And it’s not limited to a bed or a car. Conversation can be part of sex. Eye contact can be sex. Texting can be sex. Music can be sex. Thoughts can be sex. (I’m getting a little repetitive, but I think you get it). All of the ways we relate to others have the potential to become sexual and we are each individually responsible for respecting ourselves and others in how we navigate that. Sex is sacred. You are sacred. And so are they.
Reference: Anapol, D. (2014). Why sex is sacred. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-without-limits/201408/why-sex-is-sacred.
Challenges/Points:
Sex is far more than just the physical act of intercourse or oral sex. The way we think, speak, or text (among other things) can also be part of sex.
Even without a religious filter around it, sex is sacred and powerful.
We each have individual responsibility for how we respect our own sexuality and others’.
Questions:
Have you thought of sex as sacred before?
How does it change the way you think about sex to know that it isn’t just physical?
Which feeling do you have the most about sex? Embarrassment? Repulsion? Curiosity? Anger? Guilt?
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