Early Birds and Night Owls
I am a night owl and have been one pretty much my entire life. No matter how tired I am during the day, my brain loves to wake up around 9pm and start giving me lots of new and exciting ideas. Staying up late and sleeping in are two of my favorite things to do, but given my life circumstances (a mom of three young children), I try to limit that more to the weekends.
As alert as I am in the evenings, the opposite is true for the mornings. For at least the first hour or two after waking up, I feel as though my brain is still asleep and nothing works quite as it should. Everything takes longer to process and decisions are more difficult to make. I was told I could train myself out of these habits, but so far, I have not found that to be the case. Certain practices do help me with healthy sleeping habits or getting past the morning grogginess a little more quickly, but I believe I am internally wired to function better at certain times of the day and have come to accept that.
Interestingly enough, I have come to find that these brain patterns affect my relationships. Going back to high school, I can remember being awake at 6:30am to get ready for school. Awake, but not alert. My mother would come into the kitchen while I was eating breakfast and begin to try to have an in depth conversation with me. I could not engage with her in that way even if I wanted to. My brain was not processing my thoughts fast enough to come up with any thoughtful replies, and it often left me feeling ambushed and started my day off on a negative note. At the time, I didn’t have the words to express that I would appreciate having those kinds of conversations later, and I was unable to handle that first thing in the morning. Mostly, I would just try to go out of my way to avoid her at that time, which did nothing to help strengthen the bonds between us.
Now that I am married, I have found it is the opposite with my husband. Where I am a night owl, he is an early bird. So the way my brain feels in the early morning is similar to how his feels late at night. When I want to talk about something important and wait until it’s time for bed, he feels as though he can’t give me the depth of feedback I’m looking for, and it leaves both of us frustrated. With our awareness of how the other operates, we do our best to look for compromises in the time we give to each other. An afternoon or early evening conversation has a lot more promise of going well versus forcing either of us to function when we aren’t at our best. It’s this kind of consideration that can benefit both of us and bring out the best in each other. Examine your close relationships - are you talking at times you both can be at your best?
Challenges/Points:
Many people have a certain time of day when their brains operate the best. For some it could be in the morning, and others may function better at night.
Considering the time of day those closest to you are at their best can help strengthen your relationship with them and help them feel more at ease around you.
Planning ahead to have certain conversations at specific times of the day can improve the chances the discussion will go well and both people will feel at their best.
Questions:
Are you an early bird or a night owl? In what ways does this affect your life and your closest relationships?
How can you offer consideration to those around you when you want to have a meaningful conversation, in regards to the time of day that you are having it?
If a close friend or family member is on the opposite schedule of you, what do you think offering a compromise of time communicates to them?
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