Dealing with Disappointment
It’s inevitable. At some point in time, someone in your life is going to let you down.
Your expectation of what you thought they would say or do falls short and you are disappointed.
Someone you trusted is caught in a lie. A friend who is loyal is found to have shared your secret. A brother who appeared to be of high integrity is found being deceptive.
I recently had an experience of finding out that a person I held in high regard was part of an aggressive, foolish act. It left me feeling deflated, a bit confused, and disappointed. As I was sitting at a red light, processing the news, and fighting tears, I worked through in my heart and mind how I could move past this disappointment.
This won’t solve everything overnight, but these four steps can help us move from disappointment and hurt to reconciliation and healing.
Examine your own heart. As we work through the disappointment in others' words and actions, let’s be sure to examine our own hearts. Where have our motives been less than pure? When have we messed up in a time of lapse judgment? Most likely, we’ll find that we are more like the person we are disappointed in when we view the circumstance from our own slip ups. Don’t be quick to point fingers at others if we ourselves still have flaws that need to be worked on.
Show grace. Just like we want others to give us the benefit of the doubt, extend it to others as well. Maybe you don’t know as much of the story as you first thought. Grace is a gift that one does not deserve. Maybe they aren’t deserving of it, but extend it to them regardless. You know you would appreciate it if it was given to you.
Be willing to listen. If it’s a safe situation, ask to talk to the person about what has disappointed you. But first, be willing to listen. Hear their story and ask questions. Seek first to understand before needing to be understood. Empathy can go a long way towards repairing a hurt relationship. It doesn’t mean you support what they did, but that you are willing to look at it from their perspective.
Find sound council. This isn’t an invitation to gossip. No one needs to know the intricate details of your disappointment. But, sharing your feelings and thoughts about being disappointed can help you find encouragement and direction. Seek someone out who you trust. Find someone who you know will be honest with you and will point you in the right direction if you’ve veered off the right path.
We are all human; and to err is human. But, we can choose how we react to the disappointments that come our way. Will you choose healing or hurt?
Challenges/Points:
At some point in time, someone in your life is going to let you down.
How you handle those disappointments can determine if your relationship moves towards hurt or healing.
Write these 4 steps down in a place where you can come back to them for reference the next time someone disappoints you.
Questions:
What do you do when someone disappoints you?
Which one of the above 4 steps resonated with you the most?
Which one of the 4 steps would be the hardest for you?
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