Dating Apps
Tinder. Grindr. Coffee Meets Bagel. Hinge. Snack. Kippo. Thursday. Once. Happn. SwoonMe. Plenty of Fish. Badoo.
No, this isn’t a list of bad name ideas for a new brand of potato chips. It’s a list of dating apps, and my guess is that you may have heard of one or two of them. In 1995, Match.com became the very first dating site of its kind. As one article put it, “Lonely hearts rejoiced… they could now meet and flirt with potential matches without having to change out of their pajamas” (Kuefler, n.d.). The history of online dating has certainly had its ups and downs, and it isn’t all negative. On the one hand, the very first spike of interracial marriages occured after the launch of Match.com and continues to increase. Using a dating app certainly exposes you to people from backgrounds whom you might not otherwise meet. Statistics currently show that millennials spend an average of 10 hours/week on dating apps. Globally, the number of individuals using online dating has at least tripled since 2013 (Kuefler, n.d.).
It’s clear that dating apps are here to stay, and there are some unanticipated upsides to looking for love online. Of course, there’s always more to the story. We’d like to share a few reasons that we think wading into the waters of dating apps should take place with either a heavy dose of caution or boundaries of steel.
Reason #1: Our brains aren’t designed to compare and select potential romantic interests from hundreds and thousands of candidates. An average looking woman may receive ~100 messages/month on a dating app. It’s easy to see how the influx of messages or the constant surprise of people who match with you could become an addictive feeling (Campbell, 2019). That’s why we suggest if you’re going to try a dating app, limit your use to certain days of the week or times.
Reason #2: Dating apps have the potential to change the way you think about and relate to people around you in real life. Quickly looking at a photo or description of someone and swiping a “yes” or “no” is a pretty harsh way to begin to view others. The way the apps function also encourages constant exploration, dating multiple people at once, or the feeling that someone better might always be around the corner. It fosters FOMO (fear of missing out) and THAT can actually make you miss truly seeing the person in front of you right here and right now (Campbell, 2019).
Reason #3: It tends to be shallow and primarily visual based. Although there are success stories of couples who met and fell in love through connecting on a dating app or website, the reality is that currently only 5% of Americans in serious relationships say they met online. And not everyone who uses them describes themselves honestly! Dating apps are still primarily known for being mostly used as a way to find partners for casual sex or short term relationships, and there’s a reason for that. No matter how fancy the apps get, they can never replace the chemistry that occurs biologically, mentally, and emotionally between two people attracted to each other in real time.
References:
Campbell, K. (2019). Downsides of online dating. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/more-chemistry/201911/the-downsides-online-dating.
Kuefler, K. (n.d.). Love at first swipe: The evolution of online dating. Stylight. Retrieved from https://www.stylight.com/Magazine/Lifestyle/Love-First-Swipe-Evolution-Online-Dating/.
Challenges/Points:
Dating apps have been around since 1995, but there are significant drawbacks to using them.
The average dating app user spends 12 hours a week on the app and only 5% of Americans in a serious relationship report having met online.
Using dating apps can change the way you view others. Our brains weren’t designed to consider hundreds of potential romantic partners.
Questions:
Do you know anyone who has used or currently uses a dating app?
What about dating apps appeals or doesn’t appeal to you?
What other boundaries do you think might make using a dating app a healthier experience?
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