The One That Got Away
Almost all of us have that someone. The one that got away. Perhaps it was a crush or a girlfriend/boyfriend who broke up with you. A marriage that ended when you’d tried to make it work. The heartache is unbearable. The pain and grief feel like they will never end. And perhaps, they don’t. To be clear, I’m not talking about the death of a person, but the end of a relationship.
People don’t always understand the grief of losing a relationship. That person didn’t die, after all. The relationship just ended. But there is grief. There is loss. It doesn’t always fade away. Many times, people simply learn to continue life around those feelings, but they still remain. Everyone’s situation is different, and everyone will handle such relational losses differently, but here are a few ways to help yourself through that difficult time.
Grieve
Even if the relationship was small. If it was a short-term crush but felt as if your whole world was turned upside down when they said they didn’t feel the same as you. Grieve. No matter the situation, it’s alright to acknowledge your feelings. It’s okay to grieve over what’s been lost. Let it out. Cry, journal, punch a pillow, weep, read heart-wrenching poetry… grieve in your way. But this next part is so very important - let it go. You’ve acknowledged the grief, let it out, now look at what comes next.
File Away the Memories
This is a difficult one to explain. It’s ok to hold on to the memories, but in order to move on and learn to live life without this person, you do have to put them away. If it’s physical items - it may be time to get rid of them or store them away in a box in your closet to gather dust for a time. It’s okay, you can revisit them again later. If it is memories, start training your mind to think past them. Acknowledge the memory when it arises, recognize the loss and the feelings, but then release them and move to the next thing. These are important things to keep and hold on to, but not to dwell on when it’s time to move past this lost relationship.
Go To a Friend
It’s the advice given often, and that’s for a reason. Have a friend who’s not afraid to challenge you, to push you, and to encourage you. A person that empathizes but isn’t afraid to remind you when you need to stop talking about it or thinking about it. They will be the one who cries with you but also takes the box of kleenex away so that you can get back to living. This person shouldn’t be afraid to point out when you’re falling into old, bad habits and call you out on it. They are the ones who will stop you when you’re dwelling in unhealthy ways.
Challenges/Points:
Many of us go through a relationship that ends badly, and you can get through it.
It’s ok to be in pain over a person who may no longer play such a vital role in your life.
If you’ve been dwelling over that one who got away, and how it still hurts, start working on acknowledging the feeling then moving past it.
Questions:
If you’re in the midst of dealing with a broken relationship, what things from the list above do you need to work on?
Do you have a friend or friend group that you’ve avoided while working through your pain? Call them. Now.
Perhaps you’ve never had that “one who got away.” Think of how you can you support someone who is dealing with this kind of loss. How can you be a good friend in such a hard, emotional time?
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