Catastrophizing
Kristina: “Catastrophization. It’s a word your dad made up for me because sometimes I catastrophize things. I look into the future and I see the worst: you driving this car and you getting in an awful, horrible car accident and me having to go down to the scene and seeing the body and... “
Haddie: “What? Mom! Stop. Stop! Just stop! It’s not going to happen.”
Kristina: “I know. I just love you way too much and I don’t know what I would do.”
This, for me, was one of the most relatable scenes from Season 2 of the ABC hit show Parenthood. The show more broadly follows four grown siblings and the ways they and their own families navigate life’s challenges (kinda like a modern day, more relatable The Waltons) but this interaction spoke to me. Why? Because I get it. I get how tempting it is to think that you can prepare yourself for the worst by imagining it.
Tempting, but not true.
In “Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead”, author and shame researcher, Brené Brown, speaks directly to this. About 80% of the parents she’s interviewed report experiencing those types of thoughts. Brené says,
“We’re trying to beat vulnerability to the punch. We don’t want to be blindsided by hurt. We don’t want to be caught off guard so we literally practice being devastated or never move from self-elected disappointment.”
What’s worse is that our culture happily complies with this impulse. When she asks an audience how many of them have viewed a graphic or violent image in the last week, roughly 20% of those in attendance raise their hands. Then she follows up with another question.
“How many of you have watched CSI, NCIS, Law & Order, Bones, or any other crime show on television?” Cue about 80%-90% of the hands being raised. The fact is that we often give ourselves a steady diet of violent images without even realizing it. That in turn feeds our own inability to be vulnerable and experience joy because the fearful images of what could happen are already stockpiled in our brains.
As an end of life advocate and educator, I often receive links to articles, books, or shows about death that friends or family think I’ll appreciate. That was the case with “Six Feet Under”, a show that ran from 2001-2005 about a pair of brothers who run a funeral home together. The problem? Every single episode opened with someone dying a different way. For me, it was too much. I could feel the tension in my stomach and knew no matter how good the show was, it wasn’t worth filling my imagination with 63 new things to worry about. Who knows, maybe someday I’ll go back and give it another try without watching those opening segments but for now, I’m happy to set the catastrophizing aside by practicing self-control and joy instead!
Challenges/Points:
Catastrophizing is imagining or anticipating the worst that can happen as a way to try to minimize pain by preparing ourselves for it. It doesn’t work.
When we start to spiral and imagine all the awful things that could happen, it’s important to bring ourselves back to a place that is grounded in safety instead of fear. Try saying out loud, “I’m feeling vulnerable and I’m so grateful for ___(fill in the blank)______. One of the things Brené Brown has discovered is that gratitude, specifically practicing gratitude, is an antidote to catastrophizing.
Consider starting a gratitude list. Even being mindful to write down one thing each day that you are thankful for can help train your mind in a healthier, more positive direction.
Questions:
Do you ever find yourself catastrophizing? What are the situations or places where it crops up the most?
How many violent images do you think you’ve downloaded to the personal library of your brain? Too many? If you think this might be something that’s making it easier for you to catastrophize, try cutting the amount down or remove violent shows/movies from your life all together.
Sometimes our thought patterns can get to the point where they feel out of control and all consuming. Is this the case for you? Is there some part of you that is always afraid or feels like you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop? If that’s true, please text us or find a safe adult you can talk to.
To talk more about this or something else on your mind text the number 494949 to chat with our team or visit RemedyLIVE.com/chat anytime, day or night.
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