Numb
“I feel like I need to wake up. But I don’t know what from. Or what to.” -Carey Mulligan, actress, “Wildlife”
Have you ever felt like you’re sleepwalking but you know you aren’t? Let me put it another way. Most days do you feel like you are just going through the motions? Do the days and weeks bleed together and all look the same? If you answered yes to those questions, then you might be dealing with a common coping mechanism called numbing or emotional detachment. This can also be described as feeling empty inside or “zoning out” for long periods of time.
Some of the most common symptoms of numbing include feeling disconnected from your body or your thoughts (called disassociation), feeling like a stranger in your own life (called depersonalization), distorted sense of time, a lack of enjoyment in things you used to find joy in, difficulty expressing feelings, exhaustion no matter how much sleep you actually get, feelings of hopelessness or meaninglessness, difficulty empathizing with others, and isolating yourself (Riley).
Sometimes numbing starts as a natural coping response to trauma, but then we get stuck there. It’s a way that your brain tries to protect itself from being overwhelmed by pain. Other times, it can be a tool we deliberately use to draw emotional boundaries to protect ourselves from people or situations that may harm us (Emotional Detachment, 2019). The real trouble starts when we don’t have control over it, when we feel numb or emotionally detached even though we don’t want to.
There are a LOT of ways that we can practice emotional numbing. Some of us might use alcohol or drugs, others might turn to a never ending to-do list to avoid feeling. Even if we don’t use any of those approaches, we can still move through our days with a “just don’t think about it” approach that puts certain feelings away in a box instead of learning how to deal with them (Michael, 2020).
Author and researcher Brene Brown speaks to an important truth about this when she says, “We can’t selectively numb emotion. Numb the dark and you numb the light.”
When we numb ourselves to pain or fear, we end up numbing ourselves to joy and pleasure as well. That’s why it’s so important to learn how to name what we are feeling, even when it hurts. If you find that you can’t connect to any feelings even when you want to, please speak to an adult and reach out. It’s possible to experience such deep emotional wounds that numbing can turn into PTSD, depression, or anxiety (Emotional Detachment, 2019). Your life is worth living and the feeling, always. Even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
It can take time and hard work to unlearn self-protective habits like numbing. For a start, try telling a friend that you want to try to talk about your feelings once a week, and then give it your best shot. But above all, be kind to yourself.
References:
Michael. (2020). Emotional numbing: Why avoiding uncomfortable feelings gets us nowhere. Ananias Foundation. Retrieved from https://www.ananiasfoundation.org/emotional-numbing/.
(2019). Emotional detachment: What it is and how to overcome it. Healthline. Retrieved from https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/emotional-detachment.
Riley, C. Why can’t I feel: Overcoming emotional numbness. Zion Restoration Counseling Services. Retrieved from https://zrcounselingservices.com/why-cant-i-feel-overcoming-emotional-numbness/.
Challenges/Points:
Emotional numbing or detaching is a common coping mechanism for dealing with pain or overwhelming situations. It means that we feel disconnected or unplugged from life, empty, hopeless, or alone.
There are a lot of ways that someone might practice emotional numbing. Some of us use food, entertainment, a busy schedule, or even physical activity to run from what we don’t want to feel.
You can’t numb feelings like fear, pain, sadness, or anger without also numbing joy, delight, wonder, and happiness.
Questions:
Do you think that emotional numbing is something you are doing right now?
How do you run from feeling certain things?
What is one positive thing you can do this week to help you step away from the habit of emotional numbing?
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