When Goals Collide
Ted was thrilled. And, if he was being completely honest, a little scared. He knew he was in way over his head. Of course he was. He was crossing an entire ocean to coach football (soccer here in the U.S.) in England and he had never coached football in his entire life! Nevertheless, he was determined to give it his all and do the very best he could. He needed this fresh start. He needed a place where he could win, both off and on the field.
Meanwhile in her office, Rebecca went over her notes for interviews about the new coach who would be arriving that week. As the team owner, it was her decision to select who would be coaching the team heading into the new season, and her choice caused a buzz. She couldn’t help but smirk conspiratorially to herself. The truth was, she’d hired an unknown with no experience on purpose. Why? Because secretly Rebecca wanted the team to fail. She wanted them to fail miserably so it would drive her ex-husband, the former owner of the team, mad. He still cared about it more than he’d ever cared about her. This would be the perfect revenge.
If you haven’t already seen the first season of the award winning show “Ted Lasso,” I hope that introduction is enough to get you to check it out. It’s full of beautiful learning moments, vulnerability, truth, integrity, and examples of what can happen when goals don’t exactly align. Sometimes, the goal we have and the goal someone else has, brings us head to head.
What might this look like in your own life? Well, consider your relationship with your parents. It’s quite possible that one of their greatest goals is to keep you safe while one of YOUR greatest goals is to try new things and see what the world has to offer. All sorts of arguments and conflicts can grow out of that. How long is too long to be staying out at a party, whether or not you can date, are you ready to drive your parents’ car alone, you get the picture.
The point is that whenever we come into conflict with someone, it can be really helpful if we stop for a minute and consider whether our separate goals are contributing to it. If my goal is to not feel anxious in the car, but my husband’s goal is to get to where we’re going as quickly as possible, we’re definitely going to be butting heads. Sometimes, I remind him that a really bad car accident in my past has made me more sensitive to aggressive driving, and I ask him if he can slow down just a little or maybe let me drive. These are both things that keep my goal of not feeling anxious in mind. And if I’m going to keep his goal of timeliness at the forefront of my thoughts, I’ll do my best to get us all out the door a little earlier than planned. We don’t need to have the same goals, but we can consider each others’ with kindness and that can make all the difference in the world.
Challenges/Points:
In the show “Ted Lasso,” Ted and Rebecca have extremely opposite goals. He wants to do well at something completely new while treating others with respect and kindness, but she secretly wants him to fail so she can get back at her ex-husband.
When we have completely opposite goals from another person, it creates the opportunity for a lot of conflict or misunderstanding.
Letting others know that we respect their goals and will consider them even if they aren’t our own is a fantastic way to build bridges instead of burning them.
Questions:
Have you ever experienced opposing goals in life (outside of sports)?
What do you think one of your caretaker’s main goals is right now? How can you support them in that or let them know that you see it?
What is one of your main goals? Who knows about it?
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