Experience --> Empathy
“I just want to talk to her. We broke up a couple months ago, and everyday, I just have the urge to reach out. She wasn’t just my girlfriend, she was my best friend. Shouldn’t I just reach out? If it’s been this bad, it’s not ever going to get better.”
“I know how you feel, and it’s so hard! I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had the overwhelming urge to talk to my ex after we broke up, and it felt like things were never going to get better. I promise you it does get better, it just takes a lot of time.”
Have you ever been talking to someone about a hardship they’re dealing with, and it sounds exactly like the one you went through X years ago? Do you find it easier to talk to your friend about that versus something you have no experience with? Personally, I find it to be so much easier. I know what ___ feels like, so I can either be the listening ear they need in the moment or provide advice/help.
Our past experiences can help us be more empathic towards others. It is so much harder to truly put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you’ve never been remotely close to being in those shoes. However, we can only help others through our past experiences if we have healthily processed and reflected upon them ourselves.
Self-reflection involves bringing our attention inward to think about how we’re feeling right now, why we acted this way or that, and how our past has developed us into who we are today. There are two types of self-reflection. One comes from a curiosity to want to know more about who you are and why you are the way you are. The other is about rumination, which isn’t as helpful. Rumination is playing an event over and over again with little awareness of why it happened. You become more wrapped up in the bad things that have happened to you, which makes it difficult to really pay attention to someone else and what they’re dealing with. In fact, you just develop more anxiety and less empathy (Gerace, 2017).
Therefore, it’s important that if you’re going to use your past experiences to connect to someone else, you make sure you’ve worked through them on your own in a healthy way first. We can’t ever help someone else if we haven’t helped ourselves. If you’re struggling with feeling stuck in rumination, it may be helpful to see a therapist about what’s going on. They are often helpful in working through our past experiences in healthier ways. If you have self-reflected well, good for you! You can use what you’ve gone through to help someone else at some point! While our past may seem like a lot of baggage and pain, one good thing is that it can inspire or benefit someone else.
Reference: Gerace, A. (2017). Does past experience increase empathy? Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/knowing-me-knowing-you/201708/does-past-experience-increase-empathy.
Challenges/Points:
Past experiences can give us the opportunity to relate better to others and be more empathic.
Self-reflection should be out of a curious desire to learn more about yourself, not out of rumination. You can’t help others if you haven’t helped yourself.
Think about some of your past experiences and if you’ve been able to use those to help others or if you’re stuck in what happened.
Questions:
What is one past experience you can use to help someone else?
Do you find that empathy comes easy to you?
What can you reflect on or start to process through this week?
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