Being an Introvert
How we are wired determines how we interact with others. As an introvert, hanging out with others is usually not how I feel energized. I have to limit my social time so that I don’t exhaust myself. There are six of us in my family, and five of us are introverted, so our family vacations are interesting. We certainly don’t spend every waking moment together. On long days, weekends, or trips with groups, I find myself looking forward to any moment of time I can spend alone. It's perfectly okay to be an introvert, but what does it mean for our relationships and how do we navigate it?
Let’s start with talking about what an introvert is. Introverts enjoy a calm and quiet environment. We tend to feel drained after social events and want/need time alone to re-energize ourselves. It’s likely introverts have a few, very close friends versus lots of friends. A night at home with a couple people over can seem better than out at a party surrounded by a bunch of people (friends or not). If you’ve already planned a night at home, it may be very difficult for someone to convince you to go out. Now, there are plenty of variations of introverts so this list does not include or mean the same for everyone.
So as an introvert, how do you make and maintain friendships? Try to make friends with people you already know at least a little bit. Is there someone in your classes you’ve talked to a couple times or someone at work that you’ve joked with? This next part sounds crazy, but try to make the first move (Granneman, 2020). I’ve had several close friends who on reflection, we realized we were both unsure about each other until one of us just made a move. Take the initiative! Ask questions and be a little vulnerable. Try to get to know the other person and truly listen to what they’re saying. Then, give them little pieces of you - what makes you tick and your peeves. Everyone enjoys really trying to understand someone else. Take the friendship slowly, and you’ll notice the awkwardness goes away with time, and you’ve got a new friend (Granneman, 2020).
For those of you who are extroverted, here are some tips for interacting with an introvert! Try not to initiate touch with them unless they are comfortable with it. Especially with acquaintances or new friends, touch can be difficult and leave us more exhausted. Also, invite us to what you’re doing! We may say no sometimes, but it feels better to be invited and have that choice than for someone to assume we don’t want to go because it might be draining. For conversation, allow it to flow on its own. No one likes to be bombarded with questions (Gardner, 2014). Introverts are not hard to be friends with, in fact, they can be some of your closest friends. It may just take a minute to get there.
References:
Granneman, J. (2020). The Introvert’s Complete Guide to Making Friends Who ‘Get’ You. Introvert, Dear. Retrieved from https://introvertdear.com/news/introverts-guide-making-friends-get/.
Gardner, A. (2014). How to Interact with an Introvert. Introvert, Dear. Retrieved from https://introvertdear.com/news/how-to-interact-introvert/.
Challenges/Points:
There is nothing wrong with being introverted or extroverted.
Introverts feel energized through time alone versus with people.
Making and maintaining friendships as an introvert is not difficult, as long as you are putting in effort.
Questions:
Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
Do you find it difficult to make and keep friendships if you are an introvert?
Do you think being an introvert vs extrovert affects relationships?
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