True Talk Part 3: Family
Part 3 of 5 in the True Talk Series
A few years back, I received good relationship advice that I still apply to my friendships and marriage today. I call it “The 5.” Five topics to discuss with someone you are in a relationship with that will help you both remain honest and keep things healthy between you. These five topics are to be discussed regularly - such as weekly or monthly - and are a tool in which to improve things in the relationship. This is the time for both parties to be completely honest, open, and not hold back about how they are feeling. It’s time and topics specifically to promote honesty and to improve things between two people.
Let me be clear, The 5 can work in any sort of relationship. As we look at topic #3 (family) today, I’ll be providing 3 different relationship examples as well.
Family can mean many things. It can refer to your immediate family, extended family, the family you create by living with someone, or the growing family you may hope to have one day (as in having children, adopting, etc) or already have. When you are in a relationship with someone, it’s important to discuss the topic of family. Let’s take a look at some examples.
Example Roommates: In this situation, there may not be as much to discuss regarding your immediate or extended family. But you may want to discuss your “made” family. If you and your roommate(s) have the same friend group, discuss the dynamics together. Are you both feeling comfortable when spending time together with that group - or family? Does anyone tend to feel left out for any reason? Be open-minded and inclusive in this conversation. “Made” families are the ones created out of a need for community and acceptance. It’s important to listen to concerns and try to work through them.
Example Dating: A good conversation to have if a relationship is getting serious is where you both stand on building a family one day. Do you both want kids? Biologically, fostering, adopting? Explore how you feel regarding the topic. Again, this may be for more serious relationships that are looking towards the future commitment that comes with creating families. On the flip side, discussing each other’s families is important too. Do you want your boyfriend/girlfriend to know your family well? How do they feel about it? What about meeting or getting to know their family? Some families are close while others are not. It may be new territory that you need to discuss before diving in.
Example Partner/Marriage: In this relational dynamic, discuss every aspect of a family. Topics such as how you feel about each other’s families lately. Are there any struggles or frustrations? Check in to see if you’re both on the same page with growing your family. If you have kids, take this time to discuss your children and how your relationships with them are doing. Are there new things about your kids that you’ve noticed in the past week/month?
Every family is different and takes some adjusting to, even after years! Be open, honest, and kind in having these conversations with your other person.
For other posts in this series, search “True Talk” on the 365 page!
Challenges/Points:
The word ‘family’ encompasses a lot. Think of all the many facets it includes and ask whether or not you’ve talked with your other person about them.
Don’t be afraid to look to the future and discuss hopes and dreams in regards to family. This will help you know if your goals are in line with one another.
Have you found the topic of family hard to address? List 3 reasons why it might be hard for you to talk about.
Questions:
Past: We all have childhood wounds and hurts from our families in one way or another. Take a moment to think about how open you’ve been about those winds with your significant other or close friend. Would you be willing to be vulnerable and share that with them?
Present: Dealing with other people’s families can be frustrating. They don’t always work the same as yours and it can take adjustment. What are 3 ways you can approach the situation with an open mind and positive attitude?
Future: Have you thought about the future family you may create or build? What if things don’t go according to plan? If you have a significant other, sit down together and talk about where you stand on your future along with if there’s a plan B or plan C.
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