The Gift of Listening
When I was a young girl, I read the book Ella Enchanted for the first time. While many of you may immediately picture the Anne Hathaway movie adaptation, I challenge you to erase that from your mind. The book is nothing like the movie.
The author, Gail Carson Levine, wrote her characters with an acute understanding of how people are wired. Ella’s mother, in particular, changed how I interacted with the people I met in my life. She was described as a woman loved by all. Although she was a tad quirky, she always made people laugh. Moreso, it was specifically said that she was loved because she listened. A specific character is noted for how he ‘droned on’ during speeches, but that Ella’s mother was attentive the whole while and ready with applause while others had dozed off.
She was loved for listening.
Listening to people makes them feel special. It makes them feel heard. It’s sad, really, that such a simple thing as having someone pay attention to us while we speak can make us feel better. But that’s the truth of it. How often do you find yourself talking and see a person’s eyes glaze over or wander past you? How often are you listening to a teacher, lecture, sermon, and find yourself miles away thinking about a completely unrelated topic?
For whatever reason, the description of Ella’s mother stuck with me. My young self began straining to pay acute attention to anyone speaking to me. It was a mental workout to stay focused in class. Until it wasn’t. Until I found myself always curious about what someone was saying. How I could learn from it. How it would impact their life, knowing they had at least one attentive audience member.
And while the little habits I adapted from the book seemed small, the impact it had on my life was not. Teachers noted my lack of daydreaming and my raised participation. Professors specifically pulled me aside to tell me how good it made them feel to see that I was mentally tracking with them. It encouraged them, made them feel excited to come to teach.
However, becoming a better listener comes with a downside. When you learn to listen well, you also see how little others listen. I oftentimes find myself watching someone getting cut-off mid-sentence while the other person brings up something completely unrelated to the topic at hand. You may find how little people tend to listen to you.
But truly listening to people helps create better personal relationships. Friends and family feel heard and supported. In turn, I felt their attention hone in as they became better listeners when I needed someone to speak to as well. It took time and focus, so much focus, but the impact of listening is life-altering. Strangers are more likely to remember you, you are more likely to learn something valuable, and your personal relationships will thrive and grow.
Challenges/Points:
By default, we are not good listeners.
Learning to truly listen to others takes time and focus.
1 day challenge: Try not speaking for an entire day. Only listening. Put tape over your mouth, wear a sign, or hand someone a card that shares that you’re not speaking, but there to listen. See how your perspective changes after 1 day.
Questions:
Do you remember a time when you truly felt listened to and heard?
How did that make you feel?
In what situations do you feel yourself “zone-out” and how could you practice better listening?
How can you change your mindset so that you’re a better listener for what may seem like the most boring topics?
Hint: there’s always something to learn and apply to your life.
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