Growing Together or Pulling Apart
Imagine you are sitting on a beach, watching the waves roll in on a beautiful sunny day. Then, you notice two unoccupied innertubes floating a ways out. They start out side by side, but eventually they drift apart, and by the time they reach the shore, they are separated by a good distance.
This scenario also plays out in our relationships. When we aren't purposely moving towards another, we tend to drift apart even if this is not our intention. Relationships have to be cultivated, much like a garden, or weeds begin to sprout and take over that which was once beautiful.
This can happen in relationships of any kind. Whether it is a friendship, marriage or other kind of relationship, all thrive from forward motion. For instance, in my marriage, we have experienced droughts of closeness when life has pushed us in separate directions, and we haven't made the effort to connect in meaningful ways. I have also noticed this in friendships when life makes each of us busy and the time to strengthen bonds gets pushed to the side.
The good news is that closing the gap that has resulted in a relationship doesn't have to be an insurmountable feat. A few intentional steps could restore your bond or even make it closer than before.
Start off by acknowledging the drift. It could be as easy as saying, "I have noticed things between us don't feel as close as they used to. Would you like to set aside a time for us to discuss why that is?" You might realize it has been a busy season or be able to notice how particular habits have led to spending less time together. Whatever the case, you will also have a starting point for solving how to mend the situation or evaluate when a good time to start reconnecting may be. Along with that conversation, other insights may come into light of how to best show care to the other person in a way you had not previously considered.
Once you establish what is the cause of the distance and have an idea of how to mend it, start by setting small goals to show you are dedicated to helping make things better. Maybe you set aside a certain time each week with the purpose of checking in on each other. Another idea is to do something thoughtful for the other person such as buy them a meaningful gift, provide them with a meal or ask them to join you for coffee or dinner where you have undivided attention to offer. It could also be as easy as sending them a message during the day, letting them know they are on your mind and matter to you. Sometimes the smallest acts of outreach can leave a huge impact.
There are no perfect relationships; however, sometimes what makes the difference in one coming together or breaking apart are those who are invested in taking intentional steps towards the other person in order to keep the forward momentum going strong.
Challenges/Points:
Even great relationships can drift apart, it takes intentionality to keep a relationship moving forward.
If you notice distance happening in a relationship, be proactive and start a discussion and look for thoughtful ideas on how to begin closing the gap.
Sometimes making things better is as simple as finding encouraging points of connection that are meaningful to each of you and that shows you value the relationship and want to make it a priority.
Questions:
What are some signs that a relationship has drifted? Can you think of any in your life right now that may require some attention?
How can you reach out and make a difference in an important relationship that you have today?
Are you one who notices when relationships shift? If not, what steps could you take to increase your awareness in this area today?
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