Love Languages
Gary Chapman published his book, The Five Love Languages, in the 90s, and a few years after that, the concept became very popular. You can ask just about anyone what their love language is, and they will have an answer for you, whether that be in romantic relationships, friendships, family circles, etc. So, let’s refresh on these!
Acts of service. Those in this category feel loved when you intentionally do something for them that you know will help them out, see an area of need and help fill it, etc. For example, my brother had a baseball game that was out of town and was going to go pretty late. Normally, it falls on my mom to transport him and stay for the games. However, my dad saw that she was stressed. He offered to drive my brother and stay late. My mom texted me saying she couldn’t believe it. At that moment, she felt seen and loved by my dad.
Quality time. This one may seem like a no-brainer - “just spend some time with him and he’ll be happy.” However, the key word here is quality time. This doesn’t look like eating dinner together while on your phone. Undivided attention may look like date night, just the two of you, no distractions and truly listening to each other. Or maybe it’s getting together with a friend at a coffee shop and leaving your phones in the car. Either way, be mindful of how you’re spending that time together.
Physical touch. Hugs, closeness, etc. Now, the touch should be appropriate! However, people who have this love language feel loved when they are physically close to another. It may not even take all that much. If you notice your friend is sad, could you put your hand on their shoulder or offer a hug?
Gifts. Now this one may seem easy. “Just get her a new purse, she’ll love you forever.” Not necessarily. The gifts need to be heartfelt, not just something you picked up on your way home from work. People with this love language may appreciate something like “I thought of what you said a couple weeks ago, and thought this might help.” or maybe it’s something you’ve spent some time crafting that means something special!
Words of affirmation. Now, this isn’t about people fishing for compliments. This love language is about seeing the way a person behaves, their character, etc. and affirming them. For example, this is my younger brother’s top love language. For him, it means a lot if someone close to him tells him that they’re proud of him, thinks he has good ideas, etc. Stop and take a look at the person and point out something you think they’re doing right or well!
It’s important to note that your natural tendency is going to be to love others in the way you feel the most loved. However, instead, why don’t we look at how the friend, family member, spouse, etc. feels loved and meet them in their need? See how it changes your relationships!
Challenges/Points:
Everyone has 1-2 top love languages.
Learning the love languages of those in your life is imperative in maintaining and strengthening your relationship.
Take a moment to determine what your love languages are and ask your family, friends, or romantic partner what theirs are.
Questions:
Have you heard of the five love languages?
Which of the five love languages seems to be the one you resonate the most with?
How can you love others this week knowing their love language?
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