Lone Wolf
Can I ask you a question?
Yes?
Okay, here it goes: How many close friends would you say you have right now?
What constitutes a “close” friend?
Good question. Maybe we should define that.
Let’s say it’s somebody you could call at 3 a.m. and you know they would want you to call them at 3 a.m. if you really needed something. Somebody who really sees you. Somebody you can be uncool with. Somebody it’s real with.
Okay, have your answer? Thank you for that.
More of us than ever are bringing small numbers to that question. There’s a lot of lone wolves out there and that isn’t good. A recent study conducted in May of 2021 by the Survey Center on American Life found that currently almost half of all Americans (49%) reported that they have fewer than three close friends (Novotney, 2019). That’s a massive shift from 1990 when only 27% of the population reported having three or fewer close friends. What’s worse, 12% of interviewees claimed to have zero close friends, a number that is four times as high as 30 years ago according to the survey (Novotney, 2019).
It’s not always bad to identify as a lone wolf. There may be times in our lives where we need the courage to be a lone wolf in order to walk away from an unhealthy group of friends or to stand up for what we know is right, even if it doesn’t seem like anyone else is willing to stand with us. In the long haul though, the cost of going it completely on your own, specifically if you don’t feel that you can trust anyone ever, is really high.
How high? Well, according to one recent study, a lack of social connection carries health risks similar to what you see when you smoke 15 cigarettes a day. The same study found that isolation is likely twice as harmful to physical and mental health as obesity (Cost, 2021).
So here’s the key: it’s good to be able to be a lone wolf for a while but no one (including like, real wolves) should stay that way for long. There’s a reason that Rudyard Kippling wrote as the law of the wolves in The Jungle Book, “For the strength of the pack is the wolf, and the strength of the wolf is the pack.” It’s a brilliant bit of literature really! A strong pack or tribe is made up of strong, healthy individuals but no individual is strong enough to stay that way on their own, without the pack.
Creating close friends takes time. Sometimes a long time to be completely honest. But it’s an investment that is always worth it. If you’ve been lone wolfing it for a while, please hear me: you should not be alone. Don’t give up. Somewhere there is someone who wants to walk next to you. Talk with you. Know you.
Don’t give up.
You may be alone but you don’t have to stay that way.
You can always text us as a start.
References:
Novotney, A. (2019). The risks of social isolation. CE Corner (APA). Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/monitor/2019/05/ce-corner-isolation.
Cost, B. (2021). Americans have fewer friends than ever before: study. New York Post. Retrieved from https://nypost.com/2021/07/27/americans-have-fewer-friends-than-ever-before-study/.
Challenges/Points:
It’s okay to be a lone wolf for short spans of time when you need to be, but it isn’t healthy to be socially isolated long term.
A healthy group is made up of strong individuals, and individuals stay strong and healthy because of the group. One without the other is a recipe for disaster.
Social isolation has some pretty intense negative consequences. Studies show that it can be as bad for you as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
Questions:
Would you describe yourself as a lone wolf?
If you have a close friend, how can you remind them this week that they matter?
Who is someone you can talk to about feeling alone?
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