Saying Yes
“Well, do we want to go or not?”
I was in that moment again. That moment where what I said would determine whether my husband and I would be attending a party, community event, or charity dinner. We led fairly full lives, as most young couples do, but I tended to guard our free time like a territorial wolf. “No” was my favorite word.
As a child who spent my formative years in the country among five siblings, I cherished the peace and quiet of an uncluttered schedule as only a country child can. Mine were the long rambling walks down open roads and the unmarked hours spent climbing trees, catching fireflies, and watching it rain from the shelter of the front porch.
The combination of our corporate careers, social lives, and a home within walking distance of the heart of the city slowly began to weigh on me. I wielded my “No” like a weapon, often turning down invitations before I had even thought out whether or not I really wanted to attend. Home became where I tried to soothe my harried spirit with large cups of tea.
What we wanted was a life that was balanced and peaceful at the core, not just on weekends. Maybe saying no wasn’t the problem, maybe we just weren’t saying no to the right things. We realized there was a greater change that needed to take place in our lives.
Eventually we both made job changes so I could pursue the arts through photography and writing, as well as become a stay at home mother. We started cooking and making most of our meals from scratch. We got rid of our television so we could arrange the living room with conversation in mind.
And guess what? I started saying “Yes”. We had found the key. All those times I immediately said “No” were just symptoms of a bigger problem: a hectic life where I wasn’t doing what I loved and didn’t feel like I had the energy or extra time to do anything else. Now that we’ve removed the clutter from our lives, there is room for lazy Sunday scrabble games or having the neighbors over for an impromptu breakfast.
I couldn’t say “Yes” to a lot of right things until I learned to say “No” to the wrong ones. We were on a well greased track that when we looked around, most other people seemed to be on as well. Everyone I knew seemed to be pushing through exhaustion all the time but a still small voice inside me said, “That can’t be healthy. There’s got to be a better way.”
And there is.
Sometimes, in order to say yes, first you have to say no.
Challenges/Points:
When we find ourselves compulsively saying “No” to things, it can be a sign of overscheduling, burnout, or exhaustion. Try to keep an eye on your energy level this week and see how much extra you feel like you have for things that might come up.
If we want to be able to say “Yes” to the things that really matter to us, we have to learn first to say “No” to the things that aren’t on that list. That might mean saying “No” to some things we still like or see value in but would crowd out something that’s really more important in the end.
None of us were made to live life at the pace that society pushes us to. If you find yourself craving rest, naps, quiet, or alone time, listen to that feeling! Listening to and respecting our limits is part of what can prevent the onset of auto-immune disorders, breakdowns, and anxiety.
Questions:
How much energy would you say you have left at the end of an average day?
Do you say “Yes” or “No” more? Why do you think you tend to say what you do?
What are two things you would quit immediately if you could?
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